Hello, My name is Sam
by everfaithful
Summary: After leaving Dean, Sam checks himself into Rehab, Dean continues trying to find a way to send Lucifer to hell, and Bobby struggles to recover. Mild Spoilers season 5. The plot bunnies wouldnt leave me alone. Please R
1. Chapter 1

Hello, My name is Sam…

"And I'm an alcoholic." He said. It wasn't too much of a stretch really. All he could think about was his next drink. Never mind that it wasn't something that any one had ever fermented in a barrel. He had all the hallmarks of a functioning alcoholic after all. And it didn't hurt that some of his gear really did smell like stale booze. He didn't have to worry about being found by angels or demons (not that he cared much if they did find him) so checking into rehab at this point wasn't as dangerous as it could be.

"this isn't an AA meeting, Sam, but thank you for your honesty. " The councilor over seeing the group session told him.

Sam blushed deeply "Oh" he said his massive shoulders seemed to shrink in on themselves "Sorry"

"You have nothing to be sorry for, why don't you start by telling us what brought you here to us. Usually there is a …Genesis … for this kind of thing. No one spontaneously decides to give up an addiction. "

Sam shifted uncomfortably "I lost my family. People were hurt, and my family doesn't trust me any more… I don't trust me any more."

The woman nodded "okay. So this is genuinely your decision to be here. "

"Yeah. " Sam answered and nodded. "it's where I have to be right now." Dean hadn't even paused for more than a second before sending him off. No hug, no request for a phone call… Dean was done with him. That had been more devastating than the 'I don't trust you' conversation. That he had just … seemed relieved. He knew his brother loved him. He had offered him the car after all.

Either that or Dean was planning to die and didn't want his precious baby with strangers.

Oh there was a thought. One that set his heart racing, made his chest feel tight. In that split second he wanted out of there to go chase his brother down. Because in that moment it made more sense that Dean was taking care of the impala, than it did that he was telling Sam he loved him.

"Its gonna be okay, Sam." The councilor said gently. It wasn't hard to see that the young man was having a panic attack "We aren't here to judge you. We are here to help you learn how to get through this, and move on."

Sam nodded and fell silent. He had to pull himself together and get through this, learn how to deal with the addiction, before he could go and find his brother again. There was no other way it would be safe.

He listened to other people talk about their addictions, crack, weed, pain killers, others who really were alcoholics. He didn't contribute much to the conversation. How could he relate his own situations to these people, who had just gotten over whelmed and needed to escape. He had wanted power. He had wanted control over things that were so far out of his control that he couldn't see straight any more. They had made mistakes…he had done terrible things. It wasn't the same.

He headed back to his room after the session and closed the door. He couldn't lay down salt lines, or draw symbols on the floor or walls. He knew if he did they would transport him from the rehab center to the mental health facility on the other end of the campus. So instead he pulled out his book and started reading, anything to keep his mind off of what he had done, what he had lost. If he let himself dwell on that he would lose his mind and do something really stupid.

The door to his room opened, and a nurse peeked in. "Sam Hetfield?" She asked, confirming who she was speaking to, and smiled at him warmly when he nodded "Time for your meds"

"Meds?" he asked, getting up and setting his book aside.

"Mmmhmm." She said producing a small paper cup. "The doctor is prescribing an anti-anxiety medication for you. It helps with the symptoms. " she handed him the cup and a bottle of water "Its alright" she added seeing the suddenly worried look in his eyes. "Everyone has them. Anxiety attacks are pretty common around here." She stood there watching him intently until he took the pills and drank the water "good job. I'll be by later with your next dose"

Sam sighed and took up his place on the bed again. His thoughts ran toward Dean, was he safe, was he taking care of himself or just going off doing what the angels wanted now that his useless pain in the ass little brother was gone? Bobby had enough trouble of his own. Maybe he would go to Ellen when he needed help now. He had to think that Dean would get more support from the hunter community now that Sam was gone.

"I can't keep thinking about this" he said and got up off the bed and headed out of his room. He wasn't going anywhere. He just needed to be walking, to be doing something or he would end up going off the roof or something.

"Sam… everything alright?" came a calm soothing voice.

"What ? Oh… yeah… I'm fine. Just… antsy, ya know. Thanks for asking Doctor."

"Oh, call me Nick, please. I believe in a casual atmosphere. There is a gym you know. Doesn't do any good to get the mind together if the body isn't following suit. Come on… let me show you where it is."

"Thanks" Sam said. He figured it couldn't hurt. What else did he have to do? Sit and worry about Dean?

"So are you settling in alright?" Nick asked as he opened the door to the gym.

"yeah… didn't know that drugs were involved with the program. Not sure it's a good idea… in my case anyway"

"Its not drugs, Sam. Its medication. Administered by professionals. Its just

to help you get past the rough patch in the beginning. "

"yeah… well… I'm not sure you would really like it if I lost control … you know… stopped worrying about things and just let go."

"That is exactly what I want, Samuel." He said as he walked over to a punching bag. "Give it a try. I'll spot for you. "

Sam shivered a little, and looked around trying to figure out what it was that was bothering him in that moment. "You probably have a lot of other patients to check on…"

"The other patients get their fair share of my time, don't worry about that. I'm here for _you, _Sam." He said it with an almost casual firmness. It held none of the anger or desperation that Sam associated with those words. It was merely a statement of fact that held no expectation or demand. There was something relaxing in that tone.

Sam took his position and waited for the psychiatrist to position himself behind the bag, then started to strike the bag, starting out slow, holding back. He knew the amount of damage he could do with his fists. He wasn't exactly looking to make that known.

"When did you first start drinking?" Nick asked. He held the bag firmly in place, never once taking his eyes off of Sam's face.

Sam frowned then, striking the back a little harder "I don't know that it really matters."

"Of course it matters. People don't become addicts because they were having a good time. Most addicts are trying to escape something. Sometimes its nothing more than wanting to escape being bored to death with their banal existence… but they are always trying to escape, or cope with something they cant begin to understand.

"My brother was murdered" He said striking the bag harder still, but Nick didn't budge.

"So you have two brothers then?"

"what?" Sam asked, pausing in his workout. "oh… yeah… I have two brothers. Dean and Adam." It wasn't a lie. Wasn't what the doctor meant but it worked out. "Adam is dead… Dean… isn't." He hoped.

"So your brother was murdered…I can see where that would be hard to take…were you two close?" he asked.

"We were" another truth strangely enough "We used to be inseparable… all of us" He said knowing it would eventually come back to his relationship with Dean. It was a minor lie. One to make it so he could talk freely. He had to be truthful if this was going to work. Yet how could he? He was starting to think all this talking was a bad idea. Maybe this was why Dean had always hated talking about things.

"What was it that made this so hard for you to deal with?"

"thought individual therapy happened in your office, Doc… Nick" he corrected himself at a look from the doctor.

"It happens where ever its needed. "

"Yeah… ahm… you know… I'm gonna go back to my room now… get a nap in before the next session." Sam said, "I'm not used to the meds I think. Kinda tired" He lied. The first one he had told other than his last name. But was that really a lie? Had he ever really been Sam Winchester?

"Sam… if you want to go back to your room, you can. But don't lie to me"

He took a step back at something in the man's eyes; something that made Sam's gut clench in apprehension.

"you look anxious, Sam. I think maybe we will have to up your medication."

"I'm fine. " Sam felt suddenly cornered and very much out of control of the situation.

"if you were fine, you wouldn't be standing here looking like you just got caught with your hand in the cookie jar. " Nick said "Its okay to feel, Sam. They aren't right. They aren't wrong. Feelings simply are. Right now you are scared. Scared of going with out … another drink, scared you are never going to feel the way it made you feel again. You are afraid of opening up to anyone because the brother you depended on, the man you thought loved you unconditionally has repeatedly rejected you. You'd have to be less than a man not to have those thoughts. "

Sam shifted a little uncomfortably from foot to foot for a moment "Right… so… I'm gonna go now. " he turned to walk out of the room.

"Sam" Nick said and waited for the young man to face him once more. "Why did you start drinking when your brother died?"

"Because it was my fault." He said and left the room, not looking back. It had started with alcohol. Worked up to demon blood. Even now it was tempting. Calling to him without so much as a demon in sight.

Dean was gone. He had let Sam go so easily that it had almost felt like he had been kicked to the curb. He was doing what he had to do, why shouldn't Sam? Why shouldn't he fill up on demon blood and just start sending the bastards back to hell.

That wasn't logic talking. Sam knew that. He really did. Just as he knew that his fixation on the blood had nothing to do with the good he could do with it. It had to do with the power. When he was tanked up, he had the illusion that he wasn't hells bitch boy. He could take all comers. He felt in control and he liked that feeling.

Here he felt almost as out of control as he had the day Dean had died. But that was reality. Sam had to face that and he knew it. He was out of control. That wasn't going to change… ever. He had lost everything for the illusion of it. It had to stop. Before he lost what was left of himself too.

"Ah, there you are" the nurse said with a smile. "I have your lunch and your next does of medicine. "

"I'm not hungry." He said.

"I'm sorry Mr Hetfield, this isn't a request. You have to follow the program completely if you want to succeed. That includes meals."

Sam sighed and took the small paper cup that contained the pills, and washed it down with the tomato juice from his lunch tray. "can I get some coffee?" he asked as he took the rest of his tray over to the table in his room.

"I'll have an aid bring that in for you" she told him her smile returning.

"Thanks" He said. He pushed the food aside and picked up the phone. He was allowed 10 minutes of phone time a day. He had tried to call Dean to let him know where he was, but had gotten voice mail and a lot of static. He doubted the call had gone through. He would try his brother later.

He dialed Bobby's hospital room and smiled hearing the mans gruff voice over the phone. "Hey… you ahm… you doing … okay?" He asked.

"No, but I'm not any worse either. Where you at, Boy?" Bobby sounded concerned. Sam figured he had talked to Dean and heard that they had split ways.

"rehab" He answered honestly. "told them I have a drinking problem."

Bobby snorted. "Well that's one way to put it. It doin' ya any good?"

"Hard to tell. Haven't been here long. You heard from… Ahm… Ellen and Jo?" he amended. "They had a pretty rough time of it."

"They're alright. Worried about you two idjits. You're brother's still kicking if that was what you were gonna ask ."

"good" Sam said. "you know… just … checking. Checking in" he corrected himself "When do you think you'll be going home?"

"About as soon as I can sneak pass Nursezilla. " Bobby said "This damned Chair is about as quiet as a steam engine. " there was a pause "Are you sure you're alright, Sam? Neither one of you boys is worth a damn on your own. You know that."

"We're not on our own… We've got you. " Sam said choking back the emotions again. He picked up the tomato juice and finished it. Damn it tasted good. "Not sure how this is gonna work with out being able to … you know… give all the details… but I'm gonna stick it out." He paused a moment "So should you."

"since when did you start dispensing sage advice." Bobby said sharply, not intending to take it out on Sam but damn it he had his own issues at the moment and couldn't be expected to keep them in all the time.

"yeah… you're right… but… think about it anyway. Even a broken clock is right twice a day." Sam said and sighed. "Look I gotta go, another session. Not sure what group hugs are gonna do for me but they say I have to go. I'll call later this week." He hung up before the emotion could show in his voice. He'd give anything to make it right for Bobby, but he couldn't. He knew that. No deals, no special powers nothing. Even Castiel couldn't fix it and the others wouldn't because Dean wouldn't become Michaels vessel.

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair again. And that was all his fault. His own damned fault. "Should have never fucking been born" he muttered and tossed the plate of food at the nearest wall.

"you know… other people do have to clean that up" the aid said as she came in with his coffee. She sighed as she set his coffee on the table and went into the bath room to get a towel to clean things up with.

"Sorry" He said with a sigh of his own "Look… I can clean that up. Really. I didn't mean to make a mess for you."

"Sit down and drink your coffee. " she said with a smile "Its not your job. you aren't the first to object to the Caesar salad here. It really does suck rocks… but do me a favor… don't throw it at the wall next time. Makes my job harder and believe me they don't pay me enough for this job to get harder."

"Sorry" he said again with a weak smile

"And you can start by getting rid of that word. No more Sorry's. Not around here. " She said as she gathered up the tray and the remains of the dishes "Boss doesn't like it."

"the Boss? You mean Nick? Ahm.. the doctor? He's the boss around here?"

"Oh yeah. Nick is the boss. But hey, he seems to have taken an interest in your case. That cant go badly for you. Do yourself a favor and let him help you. He's good at what he does. "

"And what is that?" Sam asked.

"Helping people find their place in the world. "

Things were sounding weirder by the minute as far as Sam was concerned but he didn't really care. He figured it was the pills. Anti anxiety meds could mess with you if you didn't need them. But there was no convincing Nick he didn't need them. It was part of the program. And Sam needed the program. Of that he had do doubt.

SPN…

"Hey, Bobby! Whats going on ?" Dean asked when he answered his phone. He had missed a call early but hadn't been able to make out who had been on the line when he had listened to the message.

"You're brother called." Bobby said.

"Yeah?" Dean asked, his tone tight. He didn't want to talk about Sam. Didn't want to know that the kid was in trouble and he had let him walk right into it. Didn't want to hear Bobby call him an idiot for going at this alone.

"just thought you might like to know, he's alright. Got himself into rehab."

"they have a rehab for that ?" Dean asked dubiously.

"He says he told them he has a drinking problem."

Dean actually laughed even though there was no laughter to his voice.

"He asked about you."

"Yeah… what ever"

"Dean-" Bobby sighed.

"what do you want me to say, Bobby? You think I like this any more than you do? Its what we have to do and Its not going to do any good for me to get all emotional about it."

"Just cover your ass. No ones got your back right now."

No one had it before, Dean thought and sighed "Don't worry about that." He said and ended the phone call. "I got it covered."


	2. Chapter 2

Dean looked over at Castiel in the passengers seat. It was wrong somehow. Not the angel himself, but anyone other than Sam riding shotgun was just… wrong. Sam had walked away two weeks ago and he still hadn't gotten used to it. He would wake up in the morning and find himself looking for Sam before remembering the kid was gone. He almost wept before remembering that he wanted it this way. Really. He did. It was for the best. He could take care of himself now.

Yeah. Right.

Even now as he felt another presence in the car beside him he grinned a little and turned to face the angel, and the grin faded. There was no Sam. There was only Castiel. And if the truth be told he couldn't trust the angel anymore than he could trust Sam.

"So, you find him or what?" Dean asked looking back at the road again. Better to focus on the road. Push everything else back down into its hole where he kept all the things he didn't want to deal with . His father, his brother… brothers… Angels… and Hell. Didn't leave a whole lot left in his world. But he liked it that way. Or that's what he kept telling himself.

"no…but he is walking the earth."

"good then he can take on Lucifer and I can go back to doing the job the way its supposed to be done. " yeah that was it. He had to focus on doing the job the way it was supposed to be done. Wasn't that what he had told Sam? He couldn't do that with Sam there. He couldn't do that with Castiel there, or anyone else for that matter. They would either stab him in the back, or get themselves killed… or worse. Bobby had sacrificed a great deal for him, and Dean couldn't do a damned thing to help. Nothing short of handing himself over for a joy ride by an archangel he had never met. He was probably just another sanctimonious jackass like the rest. Humanity was doomed either way it went. They were going to wind up either mindless unfeeling worship machines, or screaming horrors being flayed alive for all eternity. Neither appealed. But what the hell was he supposed to do?

"That is what I am hoping for" Castiel said. He ignored the snort coming from the drivers seat.

"so what exactly is it you want from me this time?" Dean asked as he turned on the windshield wipers "I'm fresh out of things to give up today."

"I understand your bitterness but it isn't helping."

"you don't understand shit." Dean said "you get free will after towing the party line for aeons, and you think that makes you what… more human? You think you can identify" He said glancing back to Castiel briefly "you lost the brotherly love and you cant find Daddy. Welcome to my fucking world. And before you throw it in my face again that Sam and I ended that world- remember who the hell it was that let him out of the panic room. I could have stopped this. If you had told me the truth, and let me do my damned job in the first place we wouldn't be in this mess. Bitter? You don't know what the word means."

Castiel sighed. "I need your help"

"Well there's a new one." Dean said and turned on the windshield wipers. It had started raining. Fall in the Midwest. The place could go for months with out rain and suddenly it came down in sheets and buckets.

"Dean-" Castiel said, his voice tired once more.

"What?" Dean asked sharply.

"you need to go to Michigan." He said simply.

"you want to be more specific or should I just drive around for a while and wait for a sign."

"Detroit"

Dean patted his cars dashboard "Hey what about that, baby, you get to go home. Have to get you detailed and waxed." He felt the angels stare rather than saw it. "She's… a chevy… they built her in… Detroit…so you know… going home."He gave Castiel a mock glare, as the angel just continued to stare at him, with his head cocked a little to the side. Dean wasn't sure if that was the quizzical puppy look or the look of a raptor at its prey. Only on Castiel could that look go either way. "What's in Detroit anyway?" he finally asked, his brief buzz killed rather thoroughly.

"A miracle" castiel said only to disappear.

Dean sighed and found the nearest hotel to check into. He needed to do some research before heading off into what was probably a trap for him or Cas or both. Miracles didn't just happen. As far as Dean was concerned they didn't happen at all. But one thing he did know. Times being what they were the news was going to go nuts about anything good it could report. So what ever this so called miracle was, he could dig up something on it.

He got a room. A single. The extra bed messed with his head when he wasn't quite awake and he needed to get rid of anything that messed with his head. He ordered pizza and opened a beer before turning on the news and plugging in the lap top he had gotten after Sam had left. He had always laughed at Sam for cracking open the lap top first thing. Of course after doing a couple jobs without being able to check things out first, changed his mind. Sometimes it was just better to do the research first. It was all part of the plan, right? Doing the job how it needed to be done. It had nothing to do with missing his brother at all that he got a laptop very similar to his… he was just familiar with that type was all.

The news was more of the same. War and rumors of war. Crime was up, charity was down and people were starting to disappear. Sometimes cars would be found running abandoned in the middle of the road. Planes would land with fewer passengers that it took off with. He hoped that wasn't what Cas was considering a miracle. Personally he considered it kidnapping. But what did he know.

The stories in Michigan were different. People were being healed, church attendance was at an all time high. Cops were eating donuts and Doctors were playing golf. Okay … that could be a miracle. Could be a little happiness and good cheer was bleeding off the big guy as he took a nap in Detroit of all places. Or it could be a trap set to lure in an angel that really wanted to find a sign that god was real. Dean frowned. He wanted to say that was their problem. Good bye, good luck, good riddance, but as mad as he was at Cas, that was his HIS angel, damn it. The only one that he had half a chance of being able to trust.

"Cant I have just one week with out having to pull someone else's bacon out of the fire?" He asked as he took out his cell phone. He hated bugging Bobby right then, the man had enough to worry about. But he needed some back up, and not only did Bobby know every hunter that could be trusted out there, he could also do better research from a hospital bed than most people could with an entire library at their disposal.

"Yeah" came Bobby's voice over the line.

"hey Bobby."

"Bout time you checked in." Bobby said, relief almost hidden from his voice.

"sorry, been busy. How you holding up?" He asked. He had hated leaving Bobby when he needed him most, needed anyone most. But he didn't want to bring hell down on the man twice in a row. Especially with heaven not being much better.

"I'm … hangin in there. They're building ramps and widening door ways at my house. That woman is taking over. I swear I'm gonna kill her."

"Wait what? What woman?" Dean asked

"Ellen" He said. "she showed up sayin you asked her to check in on me. Dean, she and that daughter of hers cleaned my house. I'm not going to be able to find anything when I get out of here. I swear if they have thrown so much as a single piece of scratch paper away…"

"whoa, easy there. I said check on you, didn't say clean anything" Although he was going to have to call Ellen and thank her later. Bobby couldn't navigate a wheel chair through there the way it was. Hopefully they shortened his book shelves for him.

"Yeah well… They better not loose anything out there or I'll show them just how gimpy I'm not."

Dean actually smiled at that. "Ellens a smart woman. She wont throw anything out. You wouldn't happen to have a little free time would you? I have a miracle I want you to look into for me"

"Dean" Bobby said suddenly very serious "You aren't looking for another faith healer are you? There is nothing here for you to go fix" The angels should have done the fixing for him.

"I wish it were something that could help… I mean… it might but that isn't why I wanted you to look in on it. I don't really believe in miracles. Too many strings attached to everything. "

"good to hear your common sense is kicking in " Bobby said, but he was intrigued never the less.

"Castiel however is convinced that its real, and that it might be a sign that God is walking around. I think it's a trap"

"it probably is. Where is this so called miracle?"

"Detroit"

"It's a trap."

"that fast huh?" Dean asked.

"oh come on. It's a Mechanics Mecca" He said as he pulled the small laptop he had over to him and started pulling up the Detroit news. "Any demon or angel for that matter that knows anything about you knows it would almost impossible to resist."

"cas is already there" Dean said.

"good for him." Bobby said "Let him sort it out and you keep your head down."

"I cant do that Bobby. "

"More like wont." Bobby said "You be careful out there. I'll see what I can figure out. You put up those anti-angel sigils tack it to the roof of the car if you have to. "

"They cant find me, remember."

"No, they cant sense where you are. If they are setting a trap do you think they wont notice that car of yours headed to the locations they set up for you to investigate? You gotta think, Boy. Really think about things now. You cant go doing for the angels what you wont do for your own brother. "He said "I understand you and Sam decided what you decided. I'm not callin you on that. I'm saying don't go trying to replace him with an angel that just found religion."

"I know… You're right… I know you are. But I have to check this out. If Cas is right…if God is actually out there. I might not have to" fail? Doom the world? Lose anyone else? "Do their wet work for them. "

"And if he's wrong you wind up locked up and tortured until you say yes."

"Cant sweat the small stuff, Bobby."

"Small stuff!"Bobby practically roared.

"Come on… you really think an angel is going to be able to do something to me that I haven't already been through? Cake walk." Dean said and made his goodbyes before hanging up.

"Cake walk? Cake walk he says. Just wait till I get my hands on you, boy" he told empty air. "Some things you don't need legs for." He frowned as he focused on the laptop once more. He placed a few phone calls, knowing that Dean was going to need more back up than a junior angel that was just as hunted as he was. Finally he called his house "Ellen, I need a few books brought to the hospital. No its not open for debate, Dean needs my help. I can still do research Damn it, now get a pencil, it's a long list."

SPN

Two weeks had passed and Sam was feeling better. Much better. He no longer thought about the blood with every waking moment. His tequila habit had been traded in on tomato juice. He had even taken up an art form. He was sketching now. Not the greatest at it. Some others in the vocational therapy classes were true artists. Not Sam. But you could tell what he was drawing and he liked doing it. He played darts in the rec room, and once they were out of there – several people were going to owe him a lot of money because of it. Of course he was careful not to get caught. A couple of them were there for help with Gambling. Easy marks.

Now he sat in group therapy, looking around at the others. He felt more at home in their company now. He had told them things, not the truth about things. Not really. Not that he was addicted to demon blood or that he was responsible for bringing about the end of the world. But all the emotional crap that went with it.

"I think you are well rid of him" Carla said, she was there for addiction to meth and it showed. "I mean, he didn't support you, wasn't willing to be there when you needed him. You cant trust a guy that says he is always gonna be there for you. I don't care if it's a brother or your boy friend. No offense but your gender isn't known for keeping that promise. "

Sam said nothing, shaking his head. They had a rule that you let people talk, even if you didn't agree with what they were talking about. Being rid of Dean was never something he would count himself lucky for.

"She does have a point" the councilor said raising a hand. "in that your brother didn't support you. Now whether you betrayed him before he betrayed you, is another matter entirely and probably one for your private session with Nick today. But you need to surround yourself with people that can and will support you. The skills you learn in here, will carry you as far as you need them to, but you need people who are willing to be there when you fall. Because you are all going to fall one day. Addictions are forever. So if your brother cant be there to give you a steadying hand when its rough, then you need to find other people that will be there for you."

Sam nodded. He never really expected to see his brother again. He would count himself lucky if he even learned of Deans death when it happened. The bond between them had been cut when Dean had gone to hell. Sam hadn't really seen it before. But it had. Dean had stopped being his hero, stopped being this superman in his eyes. It had become harder to see him as always right. It was hard to watch as he allowed their lives to be dictated to by angels. At the same time Dean had never looked at Sam the same again. He had seen nothing but the reason he had gone to hell, and found himself wondering if Sam had actually been worth it. He didn't blame his brother. The angels had saved him where Sam had failed. Although Sam was convinced that they would take him back to hell and leave him there when they were done.

"Sam?" he looked up suddenly "Sessions over" The councilor told him. "You zoned out on us"

"A lot to think about" he said.

"Nick's expecting you right after lunch." He was told, and left the room heading for his own. He thought about using his free time while waiting for lunch to call Bobby but decided against it. His mind was still on the previous session. People you can depend on… he didn't really have anyone. Dean couldn't handle it, and Bobby… he had enough trouble already. He didn't need Sam calling him up in the middle of a night to talk him down – keep him from draining a demon that had just attacked him. Bobby was family. But he couldn't be that guy. In his current state of mind Sam would want him to be. So better not to call.

Nurse Harris entered the room right on schedule with Sams medication, and his lunch. It had become habit to take the medication now. He found that he truly did feel more relaxed now. Hell he was even less worried about the blood now, so it had to be working well. He hadn't thought of it in days.

He drank his tomato juice first. He would have to figure out what brand it was when he left because it had never hit the spot like this before. He ate his meal, and read the paper. He didn't react as dramatically to the news as he once would have. He stared blankly at the wall in front of him, his mind not really wandering anywhere, wandering would have required thought, and Sam's mind was very nearly void of thought as the medication took hold once more.

"Mr. Hetfield? You're late for your session with the doctor." The aid reminded him.

"Oh, " he said as he got up and straightened his tee shirt "thanks" He didn't say he was sorry. He was learning to get along without that word. It was actually much easier to think without it. He could actually focus on things without the over whelming sense of guilt about it all. He didn't feel the need to apologize for his very existence any longer.

He entered the room and settled into the chair across from Nick, and smiled. He felt a kinship with this man. Not in any inappropriate way. But he trusted him. He felt that he could be himself with the man.

"I think its time that I come clean with you" Sam told him, not thinking about where it could land him, what damage it could do. He was thinking about what he needed in that moment, and he needed to feel that he wasn't alone. The only way to do that was to tell someone else the truth.

"you sure you want to do that? Its confidential of course, unless I feel that someone is in danger or that you are a danger to yourself. Are you sure that you want to open yourself up to me, Samuel. That's a big step." Nick said, leaning back into his chair and looking at the young man before him. " a very important step."

"I'm sure. But please hear me out before you call security with the sedatives "

"Alright" Nick said suppressing a small smile that fought to creep its way to the surface.

"I'm not here because I am addicted to alcohol. " He didn't break gazes with Nick. "I'm addicted to blood… a specific kind of blood… "

"I know." Nick said, gently "and believe me... I can help"


	3. Chapter 3

Sam was out of his chair and back pedaling for the door. "What do you mean you know?" He asked. He had anticipated a lot of reactions but this wasn't one of them. This was bad. Beyond bad.

"Relax, Samuel, you're among friends here. As I told you from the beginning no one here will judge you." Nick stood slowly "here you are the golden boy, practically a hero. If it weren't for that whole hunter thing you would be perfect. But hey, we have time right?"

"Who are you?" Sam asked, beginning to realize just how sluggish his mind had become, the effects the medication had been having on him.

"I think you know the answer to that already." He said. "Its not difficult to sort out if you think about it."

Just as Sam reached for the doorknob, the tumblers turned inside the lock, and the knob held fast. There was no escape.

"What do you want from me?" He asked. This was the end. He was either going to die, or become what he had come here to avoid. He had tried to do the right thing, every time and it continued to backfire on him. He was running out of options.

"Everything" Lucifer said. "To be fair I'm willing to give everything in return. You've become like a son to me. What was it your brother called you? Antichrist superstar? It can happen Sam. There are going to be people left when this little war is done, and they are going to need a leader. Not some pasty face politician, but a real leader. Someone I can trust. Someone I can depend upon, and that's you Sammy."

"Don't call me that. Only Dean calls me that."

"Not any more." Lucifer said as he walked around from behind the desk. "He doesn't really call you at all does he? Just stares at you with those hawk like eyes, expecting you to literally stab him in the back. Did you know he told the angels he would take you just the way you are? Demon blood drinking, skank loving betrayer that you are he would take you. Didn't last long did it?"

"You shut up about my brother." Sam said, "He didn't send me away. I left because I wanted to."

"He didn't stop you. Didn't even put up a fuss. He was relieved to be done with you. Couldn't wait for you to be gone. Did he show any kind of affection at all as you left?"

"Shut up" Sam yelled, the tears were coming again. He hated them. Hated the weakness they showed. Hated the pain that they represented.

"He offered you the car. Is that what you are holding onto Sam? That he offered you his precious car? He wasn't offering up the car, he was offering up the memories that went with it. He didn't want to see you in the passengers seat every time he turned around. Didn't want to remember all the years you two played in the back seat while your father drug you all over creation training you for this moment. "

"Shut up" There was more despair in Sam's tone now "You're a liar. God Forsaken Father of Lies, why should I listen to you"

"Because I don't have to lie, Sam. " Lucifer said in an almost gentle tone. "The truth is there for all to see. You just have to open your eyes to it. You think Ruby lied to you? Okay, so she did lie a little. She did what she had to do to bring you to your destiny. She told you the truth about your brother, Sam. He is weak. He didn't have the strength to even finish high-school. You did. He wasn't able to keep the family secret from a girl he had known no more than a few weeks, you kept the truth from Jessica for 4 years. He didn't have the strength to live without you so he sold himself . Now he doesn't have the strength to live with you so he got rid of you. Dean Winchester is a study in weakness, desperation and self hate. All of which he has lain at your feet, just as your father laid it all at his. "

Sam shook his head, tears falling no matter how much he tried to stop them. "No." he said. "You're wrong. Dean is a hero, and so was my father."

"Your father? John Winchester abandoned you both long before he made a deal with Azazel. I do have to give him credit though. I was certain he was going to be the one that broke in hell. Amazing fortitude. " Lucifer said as he came closer still to Sam, moving slowly, as though approaching a frightened animal. "But don't kid yourself. He didn't do what he did to save people's lives. That's what he told you two to get you to shut up and tow the family line. He did it to make the pain go away. Every monster or demon he killed took the edge off. He knew what you were destined to become. He had known it for years. Why do you think he never trusted you, never told you what you needed to know. Because he was a marine? Because he expected obedience rather than compliance? He kept you in the dark because he couldn't trust you. Because he knew that you needed to be put down like a dog if he was going to prevent my rising. "

Sam leaned against the door, sliding downward. He had nothing he could say to that. He had felt his fathers scorn his entire life. He hadn't wanted to believe it. Had actually come to respect the man, years after his death, when he was consumed by his own rage and need for vengeance. But in the end, Sam knew that Lucifer was right about his father.

The fallen archangel knelt beside Sam, and rested a comforting hand on the young mans shoulder. "I can find another." He told him. "I can mold the right man for the job out of one of these sniveling meat suits that dance around and call my name in the night while mooning over their dead cats. But I've chosen you, Sam. You're special. And with my help, you are going to become something completely amazing."

He shook his head. "No" Sam said, saying the word repeatedly. He didn't want this. He didn't want to become something monstrous. He wanted things the way they had been before. He wanted his brother back, wanted to take everything evil he had done back.

"You can't do that Sammy. I can give you almost anything, but I cant undo the past." Lucifer said, and Sam paled. His thoughts weren't even his own.

"Don't call me that. Only Dean calls me that." He said once more. Not sure if it was because he didn't want that familiarity between the monster before him and himself…or if he didn't want the reminder of Dean anymore than Dean wanted the reminder of him.

"You have done me a great service, Samuel. Ruby was correct. I can and will reward you in ways you can't even begin to imagine. Anything but change the past." Because the last thing he was going to do was arrange for Sam to have his brother back. Maybe he would let him keep Dean as a pet in a cage one day (Preferably with Michael still locked inside); but not as his brother and companion. That he could never allow.

"Go to hell" Sam choked out. He couldn't help but think of things he would change, things that he would make right, Bobby's legs were at the top of the list.

"Hell is coming to you, my boy. " He said having seen into Sam's heart and mind. He knew what the boy wanted. So be it. It was a petty thing really. Most would have wanted something grand; given that they could ask for anything. "And you are going to rule over it." He stood and pulled Sam up with him.

The door opened and two orderlies entered. "Take Samuel back to his room. I think its time we moved to the next stage of treatment. "

"No" Sam ground out as he struggled against the hands that held him tightly.

"You're amongst friends here." Lucifer said as he patted Sam's cheek. "We're going to help you reach your full potential. I will be around to look in on you later. " He moved to walk away "For now I have a promise to keep. I do hope he appreciates what you are doing for him." There was a sound of fluttering wings and Lucifer was gone.

"NO!" Sam yelled, struggling even harder to be free as he was drug down the hall, and back to his room.

SPN

The door swung open slowly, and what gave the appearance of a man stood at the threshold for a moment looking a round "Ah. Very clever, " He said. "I really must give you credit for how smart you are. Its no wonder that Sam looks up to you as much as he does." He said and stared at the door a moment before blowing on it. The sigil painted there in clear nail polish heated to black and shriveled into tiny flecks before falling to the floor. "There, that's better" he said as he entered the hospital room.

"What do you want" Bobby asked, raising the head of his bed and reaching for the gun he kept in his bedside tray.

"Lets not play rough" Lucifer said as he looked at the bedside tray and it slid just barely out of Bobby's reach. "I'm not here to hurt you. Today is all about rewards. Punishments are another day."

He strode to the chair beside Bobby's bed, stepped on the seat with one leg, the back with the other. It didn't so much as wiggle as he turned around and crouched there on the chair back, looked down at Bobby with his intense gaze.

"defénde nos in proélio contra nequítiam et insídias diáboli esto præsídium." Bobby had started muttering the prayer the moment the tray had slid away from him.

"Shhh. Be silent" The words were whispered but they echoed through the room, and Bobby Singer stopped speaking, feeling an unbearable weight upon his chest. He groaned slightly as he struggled to draw in enough air.

"Lets not bother my brother tonight, shall we?"

"Who are you?" Bobby asked as the pressure was released, but he already knew the answer.

"So many names, so little time. You can call me Nick." He said and looked over the old man in the hospital bed.

Bobby snorted. "Old Nick, huh, here in my room, Well I'm not going to be making any deals so you can either kill me or get the hell out."

"Do I look like a cross roads demon to you?" He said in that calm soothing voice, he so often used with Sam. "I sat at the left hand of God." He leaned in closer to the aging hunter "With a word I could fill your bowls with your dead wife's rotting flesh. Hell if I sneeze wrong you could be flayed alive in the blink an eye. So let's have a little respect please."

"What do you want?" Bobby asked.

"As I said when I arrived, this is a night for rewards. "

"I'm not doing anything for you."

"no, no, no. No deals are being made tonight. Not that I couldn't use a man like you." He said. "So give it some thought. I take care of my own, unlike some people" He glanced upwards as he said that. "No, tonight I am rewarding Sam for having set me free, and he is rewarding you for being the one living soul never to reject him. He really is such a sweet boy, isn't he? A little child like at times, but that's part of his charm, I suppose."

"What have you done with Sam?" Bobby growled. "What ever deal he made with you , you can forget it and let him out of it. I'm not gonna be part of your-"

"Silence" The former archangel said, and as usual, was given what he wanted. No matter how much Bobby tried to speak. "You should just sit there and listen for now. There's a good hunter." He stepped down off of the chair. "The deed is already done. When he killed Lilith he did me a great service. Not only am I free, but lets face it… Lilith was the defining example of psycho bitch." he said peering closer at Bobby, as though inspecting him. "I don't make deals. I don't barter for loyalty or obedience. I receive it or there is…" he chuckled softly "Hell to pay." The smile faded " I do however pay my debts. And when I asked the boy, what he wanted in return, the only thing in his mind was the image of you walking tall again. What he actually said was go to hell. So you should be proud of him. He seems to have taken your example to heart. That could slow his advancement a bit but don't worry. I'm working with him on that. "

He rested a hand on Bobby's chest, and the hunter silently screamed as every ailment in his body righted its self. His back was repaired, arthritis from old wounds healed, vision returned to 20/20, scars faded into nothingness. In all ways but appearance, Bobby Singer was a young man again.

"You'll get your voice back in a few minutes, after I am gone." Lucifer stated "And don't worry about Sam. I've taken him under my wing. He'll come around and really go places. I have a lot of faith in that boy. His brother on the other hand, if you really care about him as much as you do Samuel, Tell him I said… Just Say No. That's all he has to do and he wont have anything to fear from me."

Lucifer started to leave then paused by the door. "You might want to get to him, though… my brothers aren't as big on rewarding service as I am . They are more of the, do as I say or else crowd. Well… I guess we all are." Again he laughed " Its an angelic thing. The boss orders you around all day treats you like shit, it does tend to roll down hill to the kiddies. They are waiting for him and the boy Castiel. And they don't care how much he has done for them in the past. You really should change sides while you have the chance. I could use a man like you." And with that Lucifer was gone.

SPN

The impala rolled down the streets of Detroit, turning heads at every corner. She glistened from tail lights to headlights. Her chrome shone, the leather seats glistened, even the floor boards were spotless. Dean had spent hours detailing every square inch of her. He told himself it was because he was taking her home, but the fact was he had been mulling over what Bobby had said. About it being a trap, about whether or not he was trying to put Castiel into Sam's role. No one was going to take Sam's place in his life. Sam wasn't even going to take Sam's place in his life. It was just an empty void and that was how it was going to stay.

He had found some of Sam's stuff in the car. It was now in a bag in the trunk. He figured when this job was done he could drop it off at Bobby's place. He was glad that the kid was staying in touch with him. It meant he could keep track of him without having to actually go and chase him down himself. Which was the only reason he wasn't doing just that. Rehab? It sounded off to Dean. It sounded too easy, too good to be true. But it might work. He hoped it worked. Sam needed something to work right. Dean needed something to work right for the kid. He couldn't take too much more going wrong.

He parked the car at the diner and went inside to wait for Castiel. He had to admit he liked that the angel had to contact him by phone like everyone else now. It was good to have his privacy. But God he hated being alone.

Dean was greeted by the first cheerful waitress he had seen in a long while, and he found himself smiling at her in return. "Hey, what's good today?" He asked.

"I recommend the bacon cheese burger. But the meat loaf is on special today. Its pretty good too."

"I never argue about food with a beautiful woman. You better bring me the bacon cheese burger, fries, and a slice of that apple pie I see over there in the cabinet… and coffee."

"You got it" she told him, and walked away.

Dean was smiling by the time she returned with his coffee. He had to admit there was something about the town that was… good. It felt good to be there. Anger, sadness, even the bitterness that he had been carrying around with him since his father's death, seemed to slide away into nothing.

He eased back into his seat and watched the TV that hung above the counter. It was tuned in to a local channel that showed none of the horror that was creeping over the rest of the world. Instead the local news channel showed a local soup kitchen that had been provided with vast amounts of food, enough to feed all those who were hungry in the city. The camera panned out ward to show a line of people around the block, and then again to show the vast tables that were now spread out into the parking lot, filled with vagrants and families alike.

He thanked the waitress as she dropped off his food, and began to eat ravenously. His appetite had finally returned. He hadn't been able to look a cheese burger (or much of anything else) in the face since Sam's betrayal. Now it was as though it had all faded to nothing, and he could breathe again.

"Dean" He looked up at the angel as he had taken a seat across from him.

"Hey, Cas! The food is great here. Grab a bite, Jimmy could use a little meat on his bones."

"We don't have time… we have to scan the city, find the source of this… euphoria." He said noticing the changes in Dean.

"Seems to me we ought to leave it alone and let these people have a little peace." He said.

"It's not coming from God. " Castiel said. "I haven't found any sign of him here."

"Then I guess we move on. One of your brothers finally got off his ass and started taking care of humanity while the boss was away. Probably afraid he'd get sacked if the big guy came wandering through." He finished his burger then moved on to the pie, having no intention of leaving before he had finished his meal.

"What if it isn't Angelic in origin?"

"Then some Demon has a cracked idea about what hell is supposed to be like and I say more power to him. Cas… relax. Good things are happening. Let it happen."

"That was what Sam thought about his abilities, as I recall"

Deans smile faded. The light left his eyes once more. "You're a real wet blanket, you know that." He said. The pie tasted like cardboard to him now, but he finished it anyway. More to annoy Castiel than anything else "So you find anything else out while you were running around chasing divine wild geese? " Just once Dean would like to be wrong. He would like to see a genuine miracle.

"The miracles started at St Luke's church. "

"You don't get to call them miracles in one breath and tell me that it's not good with the next. Make up your mind. " He took another bite, and chewed it slowly "So what happened? Was that one of the healings or some other big ticket item?"

"Healing."

"Tell me again where this is evil?"

"Its all illusion. None of it will last."

He downed his coffee and it burned all the way down. "Lets go" he said, his frown back firmly in place as he tossed enough money for the meal and a tip onto the table. It was time to go ruin everyone's day.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N thank you so much to everyone that has reviewed this so far. You all are just making my day when I get those emails :) Hope you enjoy what comes next, and please let me know either way. The plot bunnies are fed with reviews. And we want to keep those little bunnies multiplying !_

Dean parked the impala in front the church. He didn't like this at all. It went against everything to walk into this church with the intent of figuring out what was healing people and stopping it. And why was he doing this? Because a freaking angel told him to.

"You know… I can't help feeling that this is a bad idea some how" Dean said as he turned off the engine.

"I know you want this to be real, Dean. I did as well," Castiel said sympathetically.

"No, that's not it. I think it's a bad idea. I think it's a trap." He started the car again and pulled out of the parking lot. "We need a plan. We need to know what we're dealing with, who we're dealing with. "

Castiel sat silently. He was certain the church was the source of the problem. What ever they needed to know was inside. Something was abusing the faith of the people in this town, and the angel wanted it stopped.

Dean's phone rang and he answered it "Hey Ellen. How goes the renovation?" he asked.

"Bobby's not at the hospital any more. His wheel chair is still in his room." Dean could tell by her voice that she had been up all night. He figured she had been looking for Bobby before calling him and had gotten no sleep what so ever.

"Alright… I'm on my way. Just hang tight. You hear anything give me a call. " He frowned a minute "try Sam's cell phone. He's been in touch with Bobby. Maybe – maybe Bobby said something to him that will give us a lead" or maybe Sam had something to do with it and the whole rehab story was a crock. He didn't want to think it but the image was too clear in his head to ignore. They didn't know what would be happening to Sam after the amount of blood it took to wipe out Lilith.

"Alright. I'll do that. Be careful" she told him and hung up.

"You can't find us… me and Sam… but you can find Bobby still can't you?"

"Yes."

"Good… why don't you go find him, while I sort this out." Dean said.

Castiel thought for a moment, and looked out the window "He is pulling into the Motel 6 parking lot."

"What?" Dean said and turned the car around.

SPN

Even in his drugged state Sam managed to lay out three orderlies before he was forced into a hospital restraint vest and then bound to a bed. The woman that bound his legs was going to need dental work. He hoped that Lucifer had a great health plan. His minions were going to need it.

Sam knew that it was going to be ugly. His only hope was to fight until they killed him, because otherwise he was doomed for all eternity. "Get off me" He yelled as he thrashed against the restraints that held him.

"You need to hold still Sam, or this is going to hurt a lot more than it needs to" The nurse who had always brought him his meals said. "You have to complete the program."

"Fuck you" He growled then cried out as they attempted to put in an IV in spite of his struggles. The needle went through the vein and into the muscle, and a bruise began to instantly form.

"Now see what you made me do?" she said, then moved to the other arm in hopes of setting it in the vein she saw bulging on his forearm as he struggled. "Hold him down – no- lay over his arm so he cant move it around"

Sam could barely draw breath as they pressed against him until he couldn't struggle any longer.

"There you are, Precious" She said and motioned for the others to move after she had taped the heparin lock down. "I think you need a little something to calm you down." She said as she prepared the injection. "Can't have you sending the staff back to hell just because you are having a bit of a temper tantrum"

"No… don't do this…please…" No one would come for him this time. Bobby thought he was safe, Dean didn't care, couldn't let himself be distracted by worrying about Sam any more. That was what he had said, wasn't it. Lucifer was right… he was alone. And now he was trapped.

"Hush now." She said as she injected the sedative. "This will all be over before you know it and you can get off this bed and take your rightful place. But you have to complete the program if you want to get out of here"

"I don't mind flunking out," Sam said, literally for the first time in his life. He groaned as the sedative rushed through his system.

"Alright, lets get started. I need you to hold his head, turn it to the right. Now Sam, you aren't going to be able to stop this" She said quietly as she prepared the next set of tubing. "All you are going to be able to do is cause yourself a lot of pain. So just lay still and let me do my job."

It wasn't as though Sam could truly resist. His strength was sapped by the sedative, and she was right, he couldn't pull free of the restraints, even if he got his hands free there was no way to undo the chest restraint that held him firmly to the mattress.

He groaned as first one needle then the next was inserted into his neck, and were taped down. "Wouldn't this have been easier in a glass?" He asked when they let go of his head.

"Oh we've been doing that, Precious. But this is so much more… complete. Don't you worry. Just a few hours… the course of a day and you will have caught up so much of your power. And of course He will teach you how to use those powers. Ruby tried poor dear, but her blood was limited, and well… you weren't as cooperative as I am sure you will be once this is all done. "

She pulled out a warmed blanket and draped it over Sam's legs, tucking it in "My but you are a tall one" she said adding a second to be sure to cover all of him. "Now you just rest until Nick returns."

"What are you doing to me?" he asked looking at the machine near the bed where his blood was starting to make its way to in the tubing.

"oh just exchanging blood, we're using hemofiltration somewhat like dialysis but.. oh… Just…think of it as an oil change. Nothing serious, but it will definitely make your engine run smoother" She said in that annoying sing song voice.

"I bet you were a favorite in hell. " He said before closing his eyes. 'oh its alright dear, its just a little hot poker. It will be all over in a century or two, you'll see. You'll be much better off without all this pesky flesh' he thought in that same singsong tone and he shuddered. Alastair was much less creepy.

"Oh, aren't you sweet" She said "Come along, lets let Samuel get some sleep. He needs his rest" She waited for the orderlies to leave the room "I'll be in to check on you shortly." She said and closed the door behind her.

The one positive thing about the sedative they had given him. He didn't feel the pain in his wrists as he continued to fight his restraints. He knew his wrists were being rubbed raw but he hoped it would make his hands slick enough to slide out.

SPN

Dean parked the car next to the truck with Dakota plates. Who the hell had driven this thing? There was no sign of a wheel chair anywhere near. His cell phone began to ring and he answered it.

"Where are you" came Bobby's voice.

"I was gonna ask you the same question. You have Ellen worried half out of her mind." Dean of course left off how worried he was.

" … Where are you ?" Bobby was too worried and to be honest, scared, to worry about Ellen in that moment.

"Outside your hotel. What room are you in?"

"106" Bobby told him and hung up.

"You might want to make yourself scarce" Dean told Castiel. "You aren't exactly on his good list right now."

Castiel turned to face Dean "you can't be certain that is Bobby Singer, or if he is in control. He has been possessed before. "

Dean glared at the Angel. "If he shoots you, don't blame me"

He rapped on the door of room 106, he didn't know what he was expecting, who he was going to see in that room with Bobby. For all he knew Bobby was in trouble, and had been drug half way across the country, in pain and helpless. He wasn't going to walk away because of that danger. Bobby had been worried about him putting Cas in Sam's seat. No. He would do everything he could within reason, to help Cas and keep him safe but Cas wasn't Family. Bobby was Family.

Bobby opened the door, and Dean took two steps back, bumping into Cas as he did so "Bobby… what happened?"

"Get in here and I'll explain everything." Dean took note of the agitation. There was something about this that even bothered Bobby.

"He's alone" Castiel said quietly.

Dean stepped into the hotel room and Bobby waited for Castiel to follow " Well get in here, ya winged idgit, we're gonna need your help too."

"Bobby…what happened?" Dean breathed as he walked around the man who was the closest thing to a father he had ever known.

"Did you forget everything your dad and I taught you?" Bobby asked, even though the pain was gone, and his body was back under his control, he was somehow just as crabby as he had been when trapped in that wheel chair.

"What? Oh… Christo" he said staring Bobby in the eyes. Then relaxed. But after a look from the older hunter he handed over the flask of holy water tainted whiskey.

"We got trouble, and no matter what problems you have with your brother we have to find him fast. "

"What's Sam done?" Dean asked, his voice tense. He didn't need this. Of course Sam did something stupid for the right reasons. Well he couldn't fault him for sacrificing a little to save Bobby some pain but damn it, hadn't that kid learned anything from Deans mistakes?

"Sam didn't do this. Not how you're thinkin' anyway. Sit down" Bobby said and explained his meeting with Lucifer, and what he suspected was happening to Dean's little brother.

SPN

The door opened, and Sam stopped struggling. He could feel the demon blood coursing through his veins. So much more intense than when he had consumed Ruby's blood. It was all going to his head, like hyperventilating, he felt as though his entire body was cold and tingling. His brain was at once sedated, and more aware than ever.

"you will be pleased to know that Robert Singer is now walking and preparing to fight me. " Lucifer said as he sat down in the chair beside Sam's bed. "For now I think he will have his hands full with Angels that are trying to trap your brother. "

"Leave… leave Dean alone" Sam said quietly, he was having a hard time focusing his thoughts.

"Like he left you alone?"

"He didn't abandon me." It was a feeble protest. Sam felt very much abandoned in that moment. Alone, afraid and certain that help was never going to come. Dean had said that he couldn't let himself spend so much time worrying about Sam, it distracted him from getting the job done. Even if he knew… he wouldn't come. "I left him"

"Because he wanted it that way. Because you couldn't face another day with that look in his eyes, with his lack of trust, with him blaming you for everything that has happened to him. "

Sam looked at the wall, his eyes welling with tears again "Hell of a pep talk" he said not really able to fight what was being said. How could he? "so… Bobby is alright? You aren't lying to me?"

"I wont lie to you Samuel. " he said and reached out to brush Sam's longish hair out of his eyes. "Bobby is fine. Better than he has been in years. It's a shame he won't even consider changing sides. Maybe you can help me convince him later on."

"Bobby's a good man" Which to Sam, meant that he would never change sides, he would never abandon Dean. And of Lucifer's plan worked… the next time Bobby saw him, he would try and kill him. Bobby would have no choice, and neither would Sam.

"you aren't alone Samuel. You feel that? The blood coursing through your veins… that's mine. Not watered down and thin from a witch who sold her soul for power, walking around in a brain dead meat suit. That's my blood. Archangel blood, mingled with a true vessel. That's power, Boy. That's a bond that will never slip. You're my family now. And I will never leave you, Sammy. "

"Don't call me that" He said in a ragged whisper, "Only Dean calls me that."

"not any more." Lucifer said. "Not any more."

SPN

"You can't do this" Castiel said, following Dean and Bobby out to the Impala. "If you die the world is lost."

"Then I guess you better get out there and find your Dad" Dean said "see if he cant clean up his own mess for a change."

"If Sam is in Lucifer's hands, he is lost to you. If you go, Sam will kill you."

Deans jaw clenched, "won't be the first time I've died for that kid" He looked over his shoulder "Bobby, lets go" He yelled. He knew it could very well be a trap. He assumed as much, but what if it wasn't? What if he could stop it?

"Dean…"

"No Cas. You want to help me? You go find a way to undo what ever that blood is doing to Sam. 'Cause I'm not leaving him in there. This isn't his fault. Not this time. "

"Whose fault it is won't matter when he kills you."

"Sam won't kill me. He's had reason and opportunity and he hasn't done it yet. He isn't going to kill me now. " He wished he had the faith in his brother that his words said he did. But no matter what happened he wasn't going to leave Sam in Lucifer's hands. If Sam went all dark and twisted, it wasn't going to be because Dean abandoned him.

"Quit arguing about it and lets do it." Bobby said glaring at Castiel as he got into the passengers seat of the impala. "We got a long drive ahead of us."

" Give me a call when you find something." Dean said and got behind the wheel of the Impala.

"Dean…"

He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, leaving the angel standing there.

"Any idea where they have him?" Dean asked, glancing over at Bobby.

"No… but the kid honestly believed he was in a genuine rehab. I would have to guess that it's a small private job. Easier for Lucifer to take over, and more likely to accept the fake id's Sam would have to use. "

"How did he find him?" Dean asked "These sigils Cas put on our ribs are supposed to keep him from finding us."

"Well you had just smacked War around. Wouldn't be hard to actually follow you from that town. Or watch the hospital where I was. He's Lucifer. He isn't an idiot. "

"Yeah too bad we can't say the same for the ones supposedly on our side."

"There is only one on our side and he's low man on the angelic totem pole." Bobby said. He couldn't really say Castiel was an idiot, not anymore than his boys were anyway. His boys… when had he stopped thinking of them of as John's boys and started thinking of them as His Boys. Didn't matter. They were his boys now, and no one was going to get away with messing with one of his boys. Not even the devil himself.

"Okay, so we start the last place I saw Sam and work outward from there." Dean said. This was going to take too long. He was going to lose his brother for real now, because he had let him walk away. He pounded the steering wheel of the car, and stared worriedly ahead. "Why did I let him go? I just … let him walk away, cause of course Sam isn't going to get into trouble when I'm not around. That never happens, right?"

" Just stop it." Bobby said, "You think your saying no would have stopped him? What were you going to do? Handcuff him to the door? Even if you had managed to talk him out of it, if Lucifer wanted him badly enough he was going to find him."

"Yeah but at least he would have known…" Dean frowned, and fell silent. What would Sam have known? That Dean didn't trust him to have his back? That he didn't trust him around demons? Maybe it would have made things worse if he had stayed. But Damn it at least Dean would have known he was alright. "What the hell was I thinking."

"The same thing Sam was" Bobby said with a sigh "Son, I understand you feel bad about Sam leaving and far be it from me to tell you that you shouldn't, but you weren't the only one that made that damned fool decision. When we find him, I'll bang your heads together and see if that doesn't straighten things out in there, but we don't have time for guilt. Get your head back in the game, Boy."

Dean looked over at Bobby with watery green eyes. "Yes, Sir" he said and sighed staring ahead at the road. "So the devil himself came to heal you" he said several minutes later "you think that's cause you scared off all the real doctors?"

"Just drive" Bobby said, chuckling softly in spite of himself.

SPN

"Oh I'm sorry, I can come back another time." The nurse said as she peeked into the room.

"you know how I feel about that word" Lucifer said. I'm sorry was the bane of his existence. His father in his so called and vastly over rated wisdom had set up a system where all a mortal had to do to get back in his graces was say 'I'm sorry lord,' and mean it. And then all of his work on that one soul, had been wasted. Fortunately most people didn't really mean it, but those that did he wanted nothing more than to render over a slow fire.

"I know, but I do hate to interrupt family time." She said.

"What would I do with out you, Mrs. Carnahan. " he said with a smile. "Come in, please, do what ever it was you needed to do."

"you're too kind. " she said as she entered the room, and went about flushing the Heparin Lock. "we need to add some fluids, poor dear. This is going to take quite some time, and I just don't think we can trust him not rip out his IV's if we let his hands free." She frowned "See what I mean? He's hurting himself already" she could see where Sam had torn the flesh beneath the wrist restraints trying to free his hands. "we'll just have to bandage those up for you, then tighten things up so you cant do that anymore."

"I don't want this." He told Lucifer, "I don't want this."

"I'm not bound by having to respect your free will, Sam. I'm outside Heavens laws. Your mother gave you up to me when she made the deal to bring your father back. You're mine to do with as I will, and have been from the moment you were born."

Mrs Carnahan set up the IV machine and attached the tubing to the Hep lock. She took the supplies needed to bandage Sam's wrists from the cabinet and sat on the stool beside the bed.

"He wont resist" Lucifer said as he rested a hand on Sam's arm, holding it completely immobile while she worked.

"Thank you." She told him as she finished up and tightened the restraint around the bandage, before moving on to the other hand. "There now, all finished" she said, smiling at him in a close approximation of warmth. "All better now." She looked up at Lucifer. "I'll just leave you two alone now."

"You two are … creeping me out" Sam said as he attempted to readjust to find a comfortable position, which was impossible under the circumstances. "Real people aren't even that polite."

"You have been exposed to too many low level demons." Lucifer said "To be honest with you most of the ones you have gotten rid of I was glad to see go. I do miss Azazel though. He had been with me since Heaven. Brothers. But vengeance is something I understand and can respect." He leaned back into the chair comfortably. "Don't misunderstand, I can be crude, violent, profane in the true sense of the word, when it suits my purposes. Mrs. Carnahan knows words that would melt your ears. Literally melt your ears. Her real name is Druj, but likes her vessel's name, and apparently likes nursing as well. " he chuckled softly. "She was quite the find. You really can't discount lesser gods."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N I am sorry that this is a short chapter. I am in the middle of moving and the evil packing boxes are calling my name and sapping my strength. I will try and keep updating as much as possible but I don't have as much time to write as I did. Hope this keeps you interested even thought its short .

"Tell me again why I didn't put a GPS chip in that kid?" Dean asked as they had left their 4th rehab center that day. He tossed his suit jacket into the back seat and leaned against the Impala. It had been nearly 24 hours since he had learned that Sam was once again in trouble, and he hadn't slept in that time. "What if we're chasing our tails. What if he is in one of these places we've already been to, or they've finished with him and he is out there somewhere sucking down demons like beer"

Bobby took the keys from Dean, and opened the back door "The next center is 200 miles away. Get in and go to sleep. I'll drive."

"I can't sleep. " Dean said "Not until I find him."

"and then what are you gonna do? Walk in there and get yourself killed cause you're seeing double and can't hardly stand up? Get in the car and go to sleep. I'll wake you up when we get there."

Dean looked at Bobby a moment, so many emotions warring at once. He wanted to thank him, yell at him, blame him, blame the world, blame sam and just go back to the job and let the kid sort it out for himself, blame the angels… God. He didn't feel like an awesome big brother any more. Not that he had felt that since Sam had died. What ever was happening Dean currently blamed himself.

"Son, get in the car" Bobby said gently. "What ever they are doing with Sam, they aren't going to kill him." Bobby said "And anything short of death we can save him from. "

Dean reluctantly took off his tie and suit shirt, and got into the back seat. "drive fast" He said as he arranged his duffle bag as a pillow.

SPN

"There now. All done." Mrs. Carnahan said as she removed the last of the needles from Sam's body. "now that wasn't so terrible was it?" she asked . She looked to Lucifer who nodded and she unbuckled the restraints on Sam's wrists and brought the head of the bed up so that he was sitting upright.

"Why don't you send a girl in with his breakfast and medication."

"Of course, He must be ravenous" she said and left the room.

Sam stretched as well as he could given the circumstances. "Why am I still on medication?" He asked "not like you still need me to be off my game. The cats out of the bag in case you haven't noticed."

"Don't take that tone with me" he answered back, his tone quiet, but the words still carried power and weight.

Sam opened his mouth, to say he was sorry then stopped himself. Not only was he not sorry, it would probably be about the worst thing he could say in that moment.

"Very good" Lucifer said with a broad smile "You're learning. But I am afraid that is why you are still attached to the bed, and still taking medication. Until you have truly accepted your place at my side, I need to take precautions."

Sam looked at him through narrowed eyes "In other words you don't trust me either and this has all been nothing but a head game. "

"Ah but I never said I trusted you, Samuel. I said I would never abandon you. Trust must be earned. Besides, you have spent so much energy in trying to escape me during this entire process" he said indicating the bandages on Sam's wrists, "I think my caution is justified. You carry too much power in your veins to let you run away in a fit of emotion."

"It'll go away as soon as I use it. Just as it did before."

"Not this time. " He said, and smiled reassuringly as Sam paled. "Azazel's blood lasted in your veins for 22 years, and that was just a few drops. Imagine what mine will do"

Sam looked away, jaw clenching tightly. "what do you want me for?" he said finally. "I've already let you out. "

"I need someone to keep the masses in line. I can't be everywhere at once."

"Don't you have archangels on your side to do that? I seem to remember a few that wanted nothing more than to join up and kill their own kind…"

"ah but you see the problem with my brothers is that they are traitors. Never trust a turn coat Sam. They betrayed their Father and their brothers because the cat is away and they are nothing but mice. Once Daddy comes home, they will scurry around looking for their hidey holes, or a way to get back in HIS good graces. "

Sam laughed "Isnt that what you are trying to turn me into? A traitor?"

"you haven't betrayed anyone. And I'm not going to ask you to."

"Yeah, right."

"no… you are listening to your brother's … interpretation of things. Dean died. He went to hell and we are all grateful he did. " Lucifer said. "But let's face it, the man is suffering from some well earned PTSD and anxiety, which clouds the judgment."

"Yeah well so does sucking down demon blood" Sam grumbled.

"Again… Deans perspective. Your brother isn't well. He believes you betrayed him, believes the angels betrayed him, believes he betrayed himself. He's started believing your father betrayed him. Your brother is paranoid. The only good thing about that is it will keep Michael from turning him into nothing more than another meat suit for me to kill"

"Leave Dean alone." Sam said suddenly his full eyes on Lucifer.

"oh believe me, I want nothing more than to leave your brother alone." Lucifer said with a chuckle. "I sent him a message through Bobby Singer that all he has to do is keep saying no and he has nothing to fear from me. It's Michael I have a problem with. Not Dean Winchester. Hell, he's as responsible for my being here as you are. But once Michael steps inside, all there will be of your brother is a shell. As shattered as he is from his ordeal in hell, there is nothing of his mind that will survive Michael's presence. "

Sam relaxed visibly. His brother wanted nothing to do with being what archangels are wearing this season. Dean had been lucky enough never to have been possessed. Sam wanted it to stay that way. He couldn't imagine that it was any better if an angel did it than if it were a demon.

"I'm not going to ask you to betray your brother. If I had a choice I would want him to stand at your side and guard your back. But we know he won't do that. He isn't strong enough for that. He can't make the hard choices, you can."

"Here we are, " came Mrs. Carnahan's chipper voice as she entered the room carrying a tray. "I thought I would just bring it myself and give Sam his medication."

"I think we can let him up. Move him into a nicer room. What do you think Sam? Are you ready ? "

Sam stared at his hands, as though an easy answer would come to him if he just waited long enough. He sighed and nodded. "Yes" It wasn't an easy answer. It was the hardest thing he had ever said. The problem was, it was the only answer he could give. The man he had been, even the man he had wanted to be was gone forever. There would be no 11th hour rescue. There would be no forgiveness from his brother. No redemption, no second chances, no hope of anything else but what Lucifer offered. His shoulders slumped and he leaned back against the pillows Yeah… I'm ready."


	6. Chapter 6

Dean took a deep breath and started up the stairs. Three days he had been looking for his brother. Three days and 10 rehab centers. He and Bobby had split up after the first day, spreading out their search, always checking in at each new location, always reporting in when they left.

Neither of them had a lot of hope left, but neither of them could face letting go of the search. No matter what Sam had done, no matter what he had become, Dean had told the angels the truth. He would take Sam as he was. No matter what that meant.

That is … if he could find him.

He smiled at the girl at the front desk, and it almost reached his eyes. She was a pretty girl, but somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered if she were possessed and party to keeping his brother prisoner. And if she wasn't he didn't have time to really enjoy the fruits of his labors… he would have to move on to the next location. "Good afternoon. I'm special agent Roth. " he said flashing his best fake badge and ID. "I'm looking for a man, 6'4, longish dark hair, dark eyes. His name is Sam usually uses last names from pop culture in his aliases. "

She smiled at him warmly, "If you'll follow me I'll let your brother know you are here, Mr. Winchester." She said rising from her chair. "We've been expecting you."

Dean took two steps back and stared at the woman. A trap. He should have known.

"it's alright. He's allowed visitors now. He has come through the worst of it, and is ready to face the stresses of dealing with outside influences. Don't worry, we take confidentiality very seriously here. " she opened the double doors.

Dean took in his surroundings, looking for exit routes and potential adversaries. He knew he was going to have to fight his way out of there. Hopefully with Sam at his back. But he would get the kid out of there no matter what.

"Wait here" she said showing him into an elaborate day room. "We'll be back shortly." When she left the room Dean took out his cell phone and dialed Bobby's number. It went straight to voice mail. "Bobby, I found him. Or at least I think I have. They know who I am and seemed to be expecting me. So if you don't hear from me in a couple hours… you know what to do. Take care of yourself." He hung up.

The door opened and Sam entered the room. He looked better than he had in years, Dean had to admit. More color, his eyes were brighter. That is until you noticed the raw flesh around his wrists, as though he had been fighting to be free of something.

"Hey, Sam" He said taking another deep breath. "You look good" his eyes kept going back to the wounds, then back to his brother's eyes.

"Dean, what are you doing here?" he asked. Smiling at his older brother. It was a surprise, but Sam wasn't sure it was a good one. Why was Dean there, why had he come looking for him? "Is Bobby alright?"

"Yeah, Bobby's fine." Dean said eyes once more drifting to his brother's wrists. "He thought you might be in some sort of trouble."

"no- no I'm good" he said with a quick, nervous nod. "It was rough for a while, but I'm starting to pull it together. So you ahm… you came looking for me cause Bobby thought I might be in trouble"

"Sam…" Dean said "Lets just go… you and me… we'll you know… talk."

Sam smiled and laughed softly "Dean I'm fine, I'm glad to see you, but I'm fine."

"Right… that's why Lucifer showed up in Bobby's hospital room and fixed him up, cause you're fine. Come on Sam, lets just go"

Sam's smile faded and his features hardened "Well, you can go tell Bobby I'm fine. I don't know who or what showed up, but I'm fine and you need to go"

"Whoa, wait a minute. You're really gonna stand there and tell me you're fine, with your wrists torn all to hell? Like someone has had you tied up. You really want to tell me you're fine, and you're not leaving? Who hurt you?" I'll rip their lungs out. Wasn't that how that used to go? Tell me who hurt you Sammy and I'll rip their lungs out.

"I did. I'm fine. I told you it was a little rough for a while but I'm good. I 'm getting better, learning to handle it."

"Learning to handle it? Grab your things and let's go." Dean knew that there was something wrong. Something seriously wrong with his brother.

"no" Sam said.

"Damn it Sam, why are you fighting me on this. "

"Why are you here?" Sam asked in return.

"Cause Bobby said you were in trouble. Where else would I be. "

"Just leave, Dean. " Sam said and turned to go, but Dean grabbed his arm and turned him around.

Sam lashed out at his brother, even though he didn't lay a hand on him. "get off me!" he yelled. "you didn't come here for me, you came here for Bobby. Because Bobby was worried I was back on the blood again. You're here cause you don't trust me."

Dean picked himself up off of the ground "Oh yeah, cause obviously you're clean… right? This little trick you picked up of tossing me around like a goddamned demon, that's nothing for me to worry about." He said "Fucking Lucifer showing up and saying he has you isn't something for me to worry about. "

"You need to leave here, Dean. Get out. Walk out that door and never look back. I don't need you any more, don't you understand that? And you don't need me. "

"You're still my brother, Sam."

"Yeah? What does that even mean?" He asked stepping forward "You still hearing Dad's voice? Take care of your little brother, watch out for your little brother, Kill your little brother, Dean…You mind me, Boy."

"Shut up, Sam" Dean glared at his brother, damn it why was it so easy for Sam to get under his skin. He closed the distance between them. He wasn't going to leave his little brother in Satan's Rehab for Girls.

Since talking wasn't working, Dean struck out hitting Sam in the nose, closing the distance even more to deliver an upper cut to his gut, He knew he would have to fight hard and dirty to take Sam if he was hyped on demon (angel?) blood.

Sam was holding back. That much Dean knew. The kid could take down a swat team on his own, and hold his own against things that would turn most men's hair white, and that was without any demonic assist. He was holding back but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt.

"Just go" Sam said finally, as the two of them tussled on the floor, each struggling for dominance. "Why cant you just leave."

"Leaving is what you do best, Not me" Dean said.

Sam kicked Dean off of him and pushed himself to his feet, he was weaving when he stood, and planted the toe of his booted foot into Dean's ribs. "Because you make it impossible to stay. "

Dean curled around his side, feeling his ribs crack under the force of the blow. "You aren't exactly a picnic to travel with either."

"It's time Sam." Came the soothing voice from the back of the room. A quiet voice that fell over the room, creating a kind of hush. The brothers breathing seemed amplified in their own ears. "Finish him and ensure your place by my side."

Sam's eyes narrowed. He looked over his shoulder at Lucifer as he pulled Dean to his feet. "What?" he demanded of the fallen angel. "What do you mean, Insure my place?"

"Don't question me. You know this is where you belong, this is where you are accepted, at my side. Dean has abandoned you, it's the truth and you both know it. He didn't leave, but he did chase you away. He doesn't want you in his life. He's happier without you… its right there plain as day in his thoughts, Sammy."

Sam looked at his brother then back at Lucifer "Don't call me that. Only Dean calls me that. "

"Finish him. Start your life over, here, now. Become the man you were always meant to be, get rid of that millstone around your neck. Kill him now, and everything is insured."

"Sammy" Dean whispered. "Lets go home." He thought for a moment that his brother would agree, there was something in his eyes, fleeting, but there. Sam was there in those eyes, for the first time in a long time.

Lucifer laughed. "you don't have a home. You have a rolling death trap, that you were conceived in, and you sleep in beds that have seen more fornication than Sodom and Gomorrah combined." The fallen Archangel stepped forward, prepared to take matters in his own hands.

"No" Sam growled. "Back off." He shoved Dean ahead of him toward the door, and down the corridor toward his room.

"Sammy…"

"shut up, Dean." He pushed the button to the elevator, and shoved his brother inside when it opened.

"What are you gonna do, Sam? He's lying, they don't call him the father of lies cause of how it rolls off the tongue"

Sam leaned against the wall of the elevator, pressing himself into the corner beneath the round mirror hung in the upper corner of the box they were riding. He looked up ward at the mirror, the back to his brother. "He isn't lying, Dean. You should have left while you could."

"I not leaving you here" Dean's eyes drifted up to the mirror, and he leaned against the wall of the elevator, as though it hurt too much to stand upright.

"no, you not." Sam told him "You're not leaving at all."

"You didn't answer my question… what are you going to do? Keep sucking down the blood, let Lucifer destroy you an inch at a time?"

"Its too late for that Dean. There is nothing human running through my veins. " He laughed slightly, a little bitterly Dean thought, "She said to think of it as an oil change."

"God Sam… " Dean was horrified. They had pumped his brothers veins full of demon blood? He could just about guess which demon too. Angel… what ever. "We'll figure something out. Cass and Bobby are looking for something to fix this… We can get through this. You just have to come with me."

Sam shook his head once more looking up at the mirror he stood under "I don't want to leave with you" He said as the elevator stopped at the top floor. "I don't want to be cured or what ever you want to call it. " he grabbed his brothers arm and pulled him into the hall.

"Are there cameras everywhere?" Dean asked, softly, head down, lips barely moving.

Sam indicated yes.

"we are seriously screwed." Dean muttered.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam took his brother to his supposedly new and improved room. It wasn't any safer or more private than anywhere else in the building but it was Sam's. It also had a balcony. Small, it would have been claustrophobic if it was hanging in mid air. It was here that he took his brother, closing the doors and leaning against them.

"I have to get you out of here." He said. "And fast. Your ribs broke… so the sigil is broken. Castiel can find you now." He whispered.

"Us, he'll find us." Dean insisted, Sam was crazy if he thought he was going to leave him here knowing what he knew.

"It's too late." Sam's voice was barely audible. "Don't agree. What ever you do, don't say yes to any of them. There won't be anything left of you if you do."

"So what, we stand out here in the cold and shoot the breeze and take bets on whether the demons or the angels get here first?" Dean asked. "This is crazy. You're coming with me. I shouldn't have let you leave in the first place."

"Dean, we both know you don't want me around. I get that. I accept that. Especially now, we don't know what he's done to me… what he has turned me into."

"You're my brother. That's all we need to know."

There was a flash of anger in his eyes, briefly, Dean has said that before but hadn't meant it. He had said it was out of habit, Sam was sure. "I'm doing everything I can to get you out of here alive. He'll let you go, Me… no… he wants me to be his pet anti-Christ." Sam said.

"Yeah well he should be used to disappointment by now." Dean said feeling a rush of wind and the sound of wings, before Castiel appeared on the tiny balcony beside the brothers.

"Well isn't this cozy?" Dean said. "Get us the hell out of here."

"I'm staying." Sam said, trying to make his voice sound determined, hardened. To Dean, it was an echo of the past. The day Sam and told John he was going to college and there was nothing he could do to stop him. The same hard, stubborn tone, tinged with something else, something their father had never been able to see. Loss.

"It's no longer your choice/" Castiel said looking over his shoulder at the demons entering Sam's room and moving toward the balcony doors. They had been patient until the angel's presence had been felt.

He touched both brothers and the blinding light surrounded all of them. Sam screamed as if burned and the sounds faded from Dean's ears as he opened his eyes to find himself in Bobby's living room.

"Where's Sam? " His brother had been screaming, and that took precedence in his mind over everything else. "Where is my brother?" He asked again, not having given Castiel time to answer the first time before asking the second. He moved closer to the angel, angry, worried, determined.

"He's in the panic room." Castiel said. "Which is where I would have placed you to heal, except I don't believe the two of you should be locked in together at the moment."

Dean glared at Castiel and pushed past him to head for the panic room to make sure Sam was alright for himself. "He was trying to protect me, not kill me."

"You can't be sure of what he was doing."

"Just call Bobby and let him know we are safe and we have Sam." He said, closing the basement door practically on Castiel's nose. He crossed over to the panic room and looked in the window. "Sam?" He called. "Are you alright?"

"Damn it, what the hell are you doing?" Sam demanded. "I'm not the one that needs to be in here. I'm not the one that's vulnerable." He paced the room, kicking things out of his way. "Did you forget that? They can find you now. It's how Castiel got to us in time."

"Will you stop worrying about me?" Dean snapped. "Look, fine, I was wrong. I made a bad call and you paid for it. What else do you want me to say, Sammy? They can't get to you in there, that's the important thing."

"No, Dean, the important thing is that they can't get to you and right now they can." Sam yelled. "Do you think I did this to get you captured? Don't you get it? They can find you!" He said angrily. "This has nothing to do with me. I made my own choices. I screwed up my own life with no help from you. But this isn't about that its about keeping you out of their hands."

"Why are you yelling at me?" Dean demanded. "From my angle, I just saved your ass! He was getting you into a position to really step up to the Anti-Christ Superstar label. Did you forget that part?"

"No I haven't forgotten, but it's not going to matter a hill of beans if they get their hands on you. I'm not traceable, you are." Sam said, walking over to the door. "And they won't be as gentle as Lucifer was. I doubt they will be as gentle as Alastair."

"Oh you underestimate us, Samuel." Came Zachariah's arrogant tones. "But he is right about one thing. You are easy to find now."

"Oh look. It's Baldy and the Douchebags." Dean said, not even turning around. He knew Zachariah wasn't alone. "Sam, whatever happens, don't say yes. Whatever you do, don't say yes."

Castiel appeared only to disappear with a casual wave of Zachariah's hand. "Don't worry, I haven't killed him. Not yet. Now, it's time for us to go, Dean. Say good bye to Sam."

Sam swore, slamming himself against the door of the panic room, and it rattled. "Don't... Dean... "

Dean scowled. "What's the point?" He asked Zachariah. "You need my consent. And I'm not going to give it. And bruising this meat suit won't endear you to Michael. I'm the last of a blood line after all."

"Are you?" He asked. "That can be fixed easily enough." Zachariah said, resting a hand on Dean's shoulder, transporting them back to the green room.

Dean looked around. "No cheeseburgers this time? You sure know how to throw a party." He said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"No cheese burgers, no girls, no offers of any creature comforts." He said. "I'm not going to try and bribe you in to submission." He said walking around the man. "You don't respond to pleasure or pain. But there are so many ways to be... convincing. " Winchester, contrary to popular opinion, wasn't ruled by the physical one way or the other. It was his self loathing he was going to have to appeal to. He was going to have to make him want to cease to exist. For that he was going to have to be creative.

Dean looked sharply at Zachariah, turning around as the angel circled him. "You know, if I had a conversation with Michael, I don't think he'd try to convince me or brow beat me. So does that make you his stooge? His lackey? If I gave into Michael, would you be my bitch too?"

Zachariah laughed. "Do suits have bitches?" He asked. "You fail you know. " He told him. "It's almost admirable how you continue to fight. But you fail. Sam falls to Lucifer, your friends die around you, Castiel is ruined utterly, and you fail. You die as Lucifer, in Sam's body, breaks your neck. You can't save him, or anyone else."

Dean's jaw twitched. "Then maybe you should concentrate your efforts and join forces with me to keep Lucifer out of Sam. That would prevent that." He snapped. "But no, you're too busy getting into power plays and making decisions that aren't yours to make, and trying to force people to do things. Whatever happened to angels bowing before humanity?"

"That has been a point of contention for quite some time. " Zachariah said simply. "We didn't all agree. Not all of us took Lucifer's stance but we didn't all agree." He said and touched Dean's forehead, giving him in a matter of minutes the images of what would come to pass if he stayed on his current course. To include his betraying his people, even Castiel, using them as distraction so that he could have the chance to kill Lucifer. A chance he fails at.

Dean fell to his knees, holding his head. "You son of a bitch. You're the one that set this in motion. Not me! Why do I have to clean up your mess?" He demanded.

"My mess? That was a mess of your own creation, Dean. You are the key to ending it. It was what your entire family was created for, your bloodline. Everything that happens because you continue to be a selfish bastard is your mess." He said touching him again, this time the imagery took him to another time and location. A familiar woman and young boy, now grown into a teenager, doing his best to protect her, as they ran for safety. She barely pulls him into the building before an infected man could touch him.

"Look at me." She said. "Ben... look at me." Lisa said, looking her son over completely, making sure there were no marks on him, nothing through which the plague could have been contracted.

"Lisa..." Dean breathed. "Ben...wow, you've gotten big." He knew he made no sense. If Castiel could throw him into the past, it made sense that Zachariah could throw him into the future. A war torn future where everything looked beaten and ravaged, like some apocalyptic film set. Except it wasn't a film set.

Ben got between Dean and his mother. The man looked familiar, but it had been several years since he had seen him. "Stay back... I don't know if you're infected." He said suspiciously.

"It's alright, Ben." Lisa said. "You remember Dean. Its alright." She was relieved to see a familiar face, one that looked sane in her opinion. "God... Dean... "

"Infected?" Dean asked, then it dawned on him in all its horror. "The Croatoan virus." He said. "It's everywhere? It's hard to explain, Lisa. It really is. Then again, I don't know, maybe it's not."

"That's what they call it." Ben said, giving Dean a wary look that was worthy of Dean himself. "Where did you come from ?"

"Ben," Lisa said, "it's okay. Come sit down. Dean will explain. It's not like we have anywhere else to be." She told them both, looking from Dean to Ben. "He saved your life once. Remember?"

Ben nodded. "Yeah, and Mrs Matthews used to babysit me too, didn't stop her from trying to kill us."

"Bad example kid. Because that's when I saved your life." Dean pointed out as he sat down, looking warily over his shoulder. "I'm from about five years ago. Someone's trying to teach me a lesson. I don't know, they're assholes. How bad are things? From where I am, things are just starting. They're not even all that wacky yet."

"Humanity is dying out." Lisa said. "Those that have survived are hiding. I wouldn't have gone out at all but the food ran out. It's gone out there too. Then there are the demons. It's hard to say when you see a survivor if they are possessed or infected."

Dean shook his head. "So there are pockets of humanity left?" Dean asked. "And there are demons. Do we know where demon central is? Is humanity organizing in any way to take back the planet?"

"The military tried, but they became infected, and eventually part of the problem. The last town we stopped in, they were trying to shore up and protect the town but they weren't letting anyone in or out, except this one creep that kept trying to talk to Ben."

"It was just some perv, mom. That's all. Crazy perv that thought he was an angel." He rolled his eyes.

"Just a ... " she sighed and shook her head. "It's a nightmare, Dean. It's all become some living nightmare."

"Describe the perv." Dean said. "I'm serious. There are angels, and they're not white and fluffy. Most of the time they're not even on our side, and they're complete dicks. But I need you to describe him to me, Ben. This is important."

Ben shrugged and began to describe the man who had talked to him. "Average height, late middle aged, bald, pudgy. Arrogant son of a bitch."

Lisa had given up correcting her son's foul language long ago. He had settled on that one phrase and never seemed to let go of it.

Dean looked down at his hands and then at Lisa. "Lisa, I have to know. Tell me the truth, and yes it matters. It really, really matters. When I asked you if Ben was my son, and you said no, were you telling me the truth?" He asked seriously. "I have to know, it makes all the difference."

"Dean... I don't see where this matters." Lisa said. "I don't expect anything from you, I never have. We had a lot of fun, and we went our seperate ways." And she wasn't going to play on his sense of responsibility now, of all times. Not even when she thought it might be more needed than ever. It wouldn't be right.

"Dammit, Lisa!" Dean said and started to pace, running his hands through his hair. "It's a freaking blood line. I thought I was the last. I was fine with that. This angel, he wanted something from you, didn't he, Ben? He wanted you to go somewhere with him and do something for him, right? Dammit. Lisa, the fact that Zachariah is talking to him means I already know. Because there is no other reason that he would talk to Ben unless he was MY son. My son. My blood. This is all my fault. I did this."

"Did what? Dean you aren't making any sense. Yes, okay, yes, Ben is your son. But what did you do? Is this creep out to get you? How would he know that Ben is our son?"

"Hello... the son in question is right here." Ben said, folding his arms over his chest.

"It's a long story. And I really don't come out good in it." Dean said. "I'm a selfish bastard. I am. I did this. And I'll fix it. Ben, you keep saying no. Got it? Do not go with him. No matter what he offers you, don't go. I'll fix this, and none of this will have happened."

"Dude, you're starting to sound as nutty as the perv. " Ben said. "Time travel, angel pervs, Insta-dad...none of this is making any sense to me right now. What is it you want me to say no to? What does he really want?"

"He wants you to be a vessel for Michael." Dean said. "And if you do that, you'll be hollowed out to make room for him. And there's no guarantee that you would win, or he would win. Angels are real, and they're dicks. We're nothing but pawns to them, and it stops now. With me."

"So you're gonna go back and make this right... by giving yourself up to be hollowed out because you just found out you have a kid?" Ben asked. "I can think of better birthday presents. And you owe me a lot of them." He said, not entirely serious about that last part. "Fine I'll say no. Definitely not gonna let an angel perv take up roost, okay. What if you and this Michael guy don't win? Then it's for nothing and this all still happens."

"Because where I'm from, it can still be won." Dean said. "But, yeah, so happy belated early birthday. Believe me, it's an awesome present."

"That I will have no idea about. I won't even know about this conversation." Ben said. "If you and he fail, what's to keep him from trying again, with me." He pointed out.

"Because if we fail, he's destroyed too." Dean said. "It's all or nothing. Lucky for me, I love to gamble." He said with a quick grin, a hint of his trademark levity.

"And if you win... what happens to you then?" Lisa asked. She had a feeling she knew the answer to that. She hoped she was wrong, but had to know.

"Don't worry about it." Dean said. "You won't even remember this conversation. Because it never happened."

"That's enough." Came a voice, distant, yet familiar. Oh so very familiar. "Bring him back." It rumbled, and Dean found himself back in the green room, with Zack, and what looked like his father.

Dean looked around. "Dad? No. Not Dad. Dad's dead. What did you do? Rip him out of heaven to use the heavy artillery against me?" Dean snapped.

"No your father's soul is still in heaven. However time is relative, and he has said yes on a few occasions when I have needed him. I'm not using him against you, Dean." Michael said. "I just thought it was time for us to... talk."

Talk. With his father's voice and his father's face. Well, that added up to one big lecture, now didn't it? More about responsibility, about how he was letting John (or whoever) down. How he asked Dean to do one thing and was it too much to ask? "Talk." Dean said. "So why don't you use Dad? Why does it have to be me?"

"I can inhabit any in your blood line. But you are the perfect vessel. I have the best chance of winning in you. Bringing your father here to this place, outside of time doesn't endanger the flow of time, or choices that were made. It doesn't truly interfere with his free will."

Dean was losing patience. "What? He refused to fight your little war?" He asked. It sounded like a John thing to do. After all, Dean got it from somewhere.

"No. He didn't. He would gladly take your place, Dean. But he can't. He's dead. This version of your father... is from when you were a child. There are too many things that would change if I were to keep him. In time, he asks to be free because you needed him. I can't undo that. Time is... for us ... fluid. This place is outside of any laws of time. Taking this body into the real world to fight Lucifer would undo a great many things."

"You know, I'm really sick of my family getting pulled into your family's squabbles." Dean said. "I've read the lore. You had your chance to kill him and you blew it. And this was before there were six billion humans. So because you blew it, how many of us die? One billion? Two billion? How many by my hand if I say yes?"

"I'm not omniscient." Michael said. "How many die if you say no?" He countered. "How much horror before the end. I can't force you to allow me inside. I won't." He stepped closer in John's body, moving like his father, talking in his father's voice, looking at him with his father's eyes. "I won't force your son any more than I forced your father. I was the first to bow before humantity. It pains me to know what is coming. That there is no way to end it without casualties. But not even that sorrow will bring me to take away your most precious gift."

"Well, gee, thank you. You should tell that to asshat over there." Dean said. "Is he the bad cop and you the good cop?"

"Zachariah is a zealot. I do apologize for that. He is merely doing what he thinks is best." John's voice was calm, even and mild. Much as Castiel's had been in the beginning.

"So what's the end game? You slide in, hope we win, and even more that Daddy comes home once everything settles down?" Dean asked, shaking his head. "Angels, freaking angels. Watching over you, whatever. You know, that was the last thing my mother said to me when she was alive? Angels were watching over me. Well, did you? Did you watch when she was murdered? Did you watch while Azazel fucked with my brother? Did you watch as my father sold his soul, watch when Sam died? Watch as I sold mine? Are you watching over Ben now? Were you watching over him when the Changeling grabbed him?"

"Yes." He said simply. "You were there for your son. Did you think the timing was accidental? You, your parents, Sam, each of you made your choices. You don't understand the magnitude of your choices, you understand your love and your pain and your fear but not the consequences. I understand that. I understand the pain of losing a brother. Being abandoned by a father. I'm not sitting in judgment. Because all that has happened was ordained to happen. If you had not made the choices you did, the end result would have been the same. Different choices would have led you down the same roads. Because of who you are. What you are." He stopped, standing right in front of Dean. "The plan, if you are willing, is to strike when Lucifer's current host is at its weakest. In time it will burn out, literally from the weight of who it is carrying. He has been trying to prepare your brother to accept him, to be his host. Strengthening him to withstand the power. It's not necessary for him to do so, but it will make him that much more powerful when he takes your brother. My hope is to move on him before then, at his weakest. I will need you at your strongest."

"Fine. Let's go now." Dean said. "Heal my ribs up and let's go. Let's get this over with. Right now. Let's end this. Then you can drop my drooling shell off at Bobby Singer's."

"Lucifer is not at his weakest. We need him where he will do the least damage to your world as we send him back to hell." He said. "But have I heard you correctly. You are willing to be my vessel during the battle." He asked.

"I don't have a choice." Dean growled. "Because if I say no, if I continue to say no, then Zachariah starts harassing my son. He thinks you're a pervert by the way, Zachie." Dean said. "And I won't put this on him. It's not free will, it's not consent. You've backed me into a corner. But I have conditions."

"Conditions?" Zachariah stated haughtily. "You are in no position to-" He stopped speaking as soon as Michael/John raised his hand and gave him a Winchester worthy glare.

"We can at least hear what these demands are." Michael said.

"I'm in every position. Because you don't get your paradise without your own personal Russell Crowe, remember?" Dean snapped. "Guarantee me that Lisa and Ben will be safe. That Sam will be safe. I'd add Bobby walking, but Lucifer took care of that one."

"I can arrange protection for Lisa and Ben, from here on." Michael said. "I can keep Sam and even Bobby safe and out of the battle, provided you and Castiel can keep him from saying yes to my brother between now and the time for battle. Lucifer will be more intent upon his goals as his current host burns out."

"Fine. Then yes. I agree." Dean said. Strange, he was saying yes to an angel (not a fallen angel, one still well within the grace) and he felt like he was damning himself.

"There are two things you need to know, before I send you home." He told him. "You can tell no one that you have said yes. Lucifer finds you an annoyance now, if he knows that you have agreed he will attack hard and fast and he will kill you, then go after your boy."

"I can't even tell Sam? Or Bobby? Castiel?" Dean said. "He should get back some of his angel mojo by the way. This non healing thing, really getting in the way."

"Especially not don't know how much Lucifer has done to him in the time he was captive, none of us do." He said. "As for Castiel, that was not my decision. It isn't something any of us could do to him.. The other thing you need to know... is that when I am through riding you... it won't have destroyed your mind, any more than I have destroyed your father's."

"Is he going to remember any of this? Is this what he meant when he told me to watch out for Sammy? That if I couldn't save him, I'd have to kill him?" Dean asked. "Is that why he took off like that?"

"Some things I have allowed him to remember." Michael said. "Things that could help him prepare the two of you, but no, he never remembered being a vessel. He left because I needed him for a mission. He agreed, as long as Sam was given a chance to avoid his destiny. That chance was you. So the two of you were drawn together once more."

Dean shook his head. "Unbelievable." He said. "I want to speak to my father."

"I think you forget who you're talking to." Zachariah admonished. "The time for demands is done."

"Zachariah, he wasn't speaking to you. Go and free Castiel," He ordered, and the angel was gone. "I will allow it briefly. I won't allow him to remember anything that will change his future. You need to understand that."

"I'm a selfish mud monkey. I need to talk to him for me, not him." Dean said.

He actually laughed softly. "Strange. Selfish isn't a word I would have used." He said, then his body language shifted dramatically, as did the eyes. They were more tired, sad, an unguarded John Winchester. "Dean?" He said looking over his son. "My god, how long was I gone?" His son had grown from a boy into a man. It was etched on his face, in his stance, in his own tired, war weary expression. "Are you alright?"

"As much as I can be." Dean said. "Dad....I messed up. You told me to look after Sammy, and I failed. And now the world is going hell and I have to stop it, and I have doubts that I can. Even with an archangel riding me. I can't do this. It's too much. You should have let me die."

"Never." John said. "You have been doing things that no one should have to do all your life, Dean. I'm sorry for that, and for riding you so hard, but believe me, Son, I have nothing but faith in you. I would do this for you if they would let me, but it's not because I doubt you." He said putting his hands on Dean's shoulders.

"Sam and I started this." Dean said. "Did he tell you that? The Apocalypse. We did this."

"I heard." He said. "We did all we could Dean." John told him. "I wish it was more but it wasnt. Now we have to what we can to put things right. It's going to be hell all over again, Dean. You keep Sammy in that room of Bobby's till this is over and you might stand a chance. " He took a deep breath. "Beating yourself up over this... it's just going to kill you inside. I know. Believe me, I know."

Dean shook his head. They chose wrong. It should have been John. Because his father would have just gotten the job done. "I don't have a choice. Free will is an illusion, we've all been manipulated to get here, and even you played a part. Dad, I raised Sam. Was that part of the plan too? So I would have to save him the same way you saved me?"

"You raised Sam because I was a mess." He said. "I was so consumed with guilt and grief that I couldn't be a father to either of you. It wasn't anything I had ever planned. I pushed you to protect Sam because I knew that you would stay safe if you were focusing on keeping Sam safe. Not because I needed you to save Sam."

"We don't have long, Dad. And you probably won't remember this anyway. But I miss you. We've needed you these past few years." Dean said. "Because we're making a mess out of everything. But I'll make it right."

"I love you boys." John said. "Don't think for a minute I'm not proud of you. " He sighed. "Grandson huh?"

"Grandson. He's a good kid." Dean said. "He doens't know. I don't plan on him ever knowing."

"Why not?" John asked. "You'd make a good father. You have a lot of experience." He pointed out.

"Because I wouldn't be around." Dean said. "We thought it would all end when we got the demon that killed Mom. You really think it's going to end with this? It'll just be something else. It's not fair to him, waiting for his father to come home, hoping he's in one piece. Trust me, I know. He's got a mom, she's a great mom. He'll do fine."

"You can do this without involving him... even if you just make plans once a year, you can do it. I know. I know it's hard, and you want to protect him, but you don't have to give him up entirely."

"Come on, Dad. I'm not you. Besides, she lied the first time, said he wasn't mine. Only told the truth in some disaster future under duress. It's better for him. I'm legally dead, I've been to hell, I'm a con artist...you made your choices with Adam, and yes we know about him now, and that's you. It's not me."

"I couldn't tell you about him. I'm sorry you found out the hard way. He's a good kid. I always thought you would get along. But my choices were to involve him and his mother in our world, or leave you in theirs, some place safe. I couldn't bring myself to do either. I couldn't lose any of you."

"It doesn't matter now." Dean said. "I'll do this, Dad. And maybe someday I'll get to see you and Mom again."

John pulled his eldest son into his arms. "I know you will, son." He said, holding him tightly.

Dean blinked back tears and held onto his father for several long moments. Wanting so much to be that little boy again, who believed his father could fix anything and everything. Instead of it all having to be him. "You have to go now." He said, releasing his father.

"I know." He said. "Just so you know... it's not a bad experience... having Michael for a hitchhiker. Good guy to have around in a fight." He added with a forced smile, his own eyes misty with unshed tears. And then he was no longer John.

"So what do I tell them?" Dean asked. "You should probably have Castiel rescue me from conversation with Zachariah."

"Castiel is searching for you now. I will leave you here for him to find. " He said. "Tell them the truth. That Zachariah was attempting to force your hand... they don't need to know that you agreed. There will be time for that before the final battle."

"Got it. Now go return my dad. Whatever situation you took him out of, guaranteed he's needed." Dean said, turning away and waiting. "You can heal my ribs while you're at it too, Zachariah. They're starting to smart."

"of course," Zachariah said "Now that you are on board with the plan, there is no need not to." He said touching Dean's chest, a warm glow surrounding him and his chest stopped hurting. "you know, now that you have said yes, he can find you" He told Dean after Michael had gone.

"Well, the rest of you better stay your distance." Dean said. "I don't want to see or hear from any of you. Ever. The only one I deal with now is Michael. He needs me, he finds me. Then it's him you deal with. Got it?"

Zachariah gave him an amused and arrogant smile. "Of course." He said. "Now I suppose we should get on with the display, Castiel is fast approaching. He is occasionally not as stupid as he looks."

Dean rolled his eyes and sarted snapping at Zachariah, the same old diatribe. The yelling part at least felt good.

The bickering continued growing more heated as neither was holding back their true feelings, until Castiel appeared instantly and left with equal speed. Dean found himself once more standing before Bobby's panic room. It almost appeared that the door was dented...from the inside.

Dean looked through the window. "Sam? Sam! I'm back. I'm fine. Zachariah's still a dick, but I'm good." He called out. Dented from the inside? That didn't bode well.

Sam came to the door. "Thank... well... Castiel I guess." He said. God surely had nothing to do with it. "Now open the door and let me out." He said anxious to no longer be locked up anywhere. He had put up with enough of that the last few weeks.

"Sam. I've been thinking. You said that Lucifer was burning through his host, right?" Dean said. "Then we need to keep you here until he does. Because once he does, no more host. And hopefully this ends. I'll come in if you want."

"What? ahm.. yeah, come in but... what do you mean? You're gonna keep me locked up? " Sam asked. "No... I understand you don't trust me any more. I get that . I deserve that. But I can't stay locked up in here indefinitely waiting for this to end."

"Castiel, I'm going in. Don't let us out. No matter what." Dean said. Knowing any request from him would be superceded by Michael appearing. He opened the door and came in. "Sam, we don't know what they did to you. What effect all that blood is going to have. For all we know, it's subliminal brainwashing so when Lucifer merely asks, you say yes. We can't take that chance.

"If that were the case he would have done it right in front of you and used me to kill you." Sam pointed out. "All the while telling you why things had to go that way. " He sighed. "Really getting tired of being locked up. "

"Yeah, I know." Dean said. "I'm locked up with you now." He was tired. He could see the end of the road and it made him tired. He supposed he was ready. He didn't trust Michael, he probably would be a drooling zombie, but maybe it would be over. "Cards?"

Sam chuckled softly "sure, might as well" He said as he got up to get the cards. " Pretzels or chocolate this time?" He asked referring to their betting collateral. He paused, feeling the pain wash over his head. Something he hadnt felt since Azazels death. The pain that came with a vision, only this time he collapsed to the floor clutching his head, as though trying to keep it from shattering into a million pieces.

The vision hurt more than the migraine that came with it. He was fighting with Dean, and he was losing. His brother was coming at him with a ferocity he had never seen, even in Dean, blows coming rapidly, culminating in a blade, looked to be castiels blade, shoved to the hilt into his chest. He was beginning to lose consciousness, shadows closing over his vision, they blurred the image, and he never saw the shadows of massive wings, behind his brothers form, as he stood with his foot on Sams throat.


	8. Chapter 8

The vision hurt more than the migraine that came with it. He was fighting with Dean, and he was losing. His brother was coming at him with a ferocity he had never seen, even in Dean, blows coming rapidly, culminating in a blade, looked to be Castiel's blade, shoved to the hilt into his chest. He was beginning to lose consciousness, shadows closing over his vision, they blurred the image, and he never saw the shadows of massive wings, behind his brother's form, as he stood with his foot on Sam's throat.

"Sam! Sam!" Dean said, grabbing his brother before he fell. "Sam, what is it?" He asked. "Sam, come on. Follow the sound of my voice." He'd talked Sam out of many a vision induced migraine before. "Sammy!"

Sam moaned softly, trying to clear his head, but the more he tried the more it hurt. "I'm alright... it's ok." How could he tell Dean what he had seen? His brother was going to kill him. There was no way that Dean could accept that. "Migraine... that's all."

"Yeah. Okay." Dean said as he helped Sam onto the cot. "Why don't you try to get some sleep? I'll shark you for pretzels later."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, okay. You know I'm really going to kill him if this is a blood thing." He said laying down without any argument. His head was still throbbing. "Don't suppose there is a way to dim the lights." It had died down to an almost normal migraine. Almost. Every movement still felt as though he was going to shatter. "Of course it's pretzels. You always lose if it's chocolate, cause you eat the winnings."

"Yeah, I know." Dean said as he sat down on the other cot. "We could turn them off. Nothing really interesting to see in here."

"You sure? You don't have to stay in the dark." Sam said, his arm shielding his eyes, god it hurt. Yhey had never lasted this long before. The pain started passing the minute the vision was over and he was able to function. Not this time. This time the aftermath was incapacitating. Dean was going to kill him. He wondered if his brother knew already, but chased the thought out of his head. No Dean wouldn't premeditate murder. Not Sam's anyway. He had probably gone dark and deserved it. Even more reason to keep his mouth shut.

"I'm good." Dean said as he got up and turned off the light, so only small shafts of light filtered in from the ventilation fan above them. "I've got a flashlight. Not that there's anything to do with it besides shadow puppets."

"You suck at shadow puppets." Sam said with a quiet, pained laugh, he sat up long enough to dig out the bottle of ibuprophen and downed 4 of them. "So what happened to you?" He asked.

"The usual. He brought me to an ugly ass room and started harping about destiny and crap." Dean said, laying back down. "Smacked around a few times, then he thought he'd kiss up by healing my ribs, then smacked me around a few more times. He didn't bother fixing my hand when I hit him back. I think I cracked a knuckle on his face. Again."

"Ironic. Healing your ribs and you can hide from him again." He said. "Surprised he didn't come back here figuring you would come back for me." He adjusted to try and find a comfortable position.

"Well, I kinda collapsed on the ground and made like I was dying from a punctured lung." Dean said with a chuckle. "Can't have me dying after all. Not because of him, that wouldn't look good at all."

"You know... What ever happens... I'm okay, right?" Sam said quietly as the pain became more bearable. "I mean... If there comes a time that you need me to go or if I become a liability or danger..."

"Shut up, Sam." Dean said. Because that had worked out so well the last time, right? Unattended and left to his own devices, Sam would get himself into trouble. He had a proven track record on that too.

"I mean it... I don't want you to feel guilty about anything... You know... If something happens."

"Shut up Sam." Dean repeated. "I know what you're doing, and it's not happening. We stick together, got it? No one is sending anyone off the reservation."

"That isn't what I meant." He said quietly. "Bobby have any beer in here? I haven't had one in weeks."

"Yeah, there's some in the fridge." Dean said, moving in the dark to the mini fridge. The light from the fridge cut through the darkness briefly as he grabbed two beers and opened one, handing it to Sam before settling back on his own cot with his beer. "Besides, the angels want me, Lucifer wants you, this is as good a place as any to get our heads together."

Sam nodded, and regretted it. "I guess my point is, we don't know what a complete transfusion is going to do to me." That was the only thing he could think of to make Dean try and kill him...no there was no trying, there was succeeding. "And if you have to take action... I want you to do it."

"You want me to kill you. Do you know how fucked up that sounds?" Dean asked. "You are asking me to kill you. Again." He'd asked Dean to kill him once before, if he ever became "something he wasn't."

"No. I'm saying not to feel guilty about it if you have to do it." Sam said. "Not in a hurry to die this time. I just don't want you tearing yourself apart if it comes to that." When it comes to that. Dean wouldn't do it without a damned good reason. His head felt like it unclenched and he sighed in relief as the pain ended as suddenly as it had come.

Dean heard the sigh. "Head better? Wonder what Bobby puts in the beer."

"Yeah it's better. I took some thing for it a few minutes ago." He told him. "I haven't had one like that before. thought my head was going to come off." He took a long drink of the beer. "So what do we do now? Just hang out here and ride out the storm?" He hadn't gotten a clear image of the location in his vision, but he was sure it wasn't the panic room.

"Good a plan as any." Dean said. "I haven't come up with a better one, and all yours suck." Which all boiled down to the same idea, of Sam leaving. Where Lucifer could get his hands on him. Any differences or disagreements were shoved out of Dean's mind as he focused instead on his childhood job, his mission in life. Keep Sammy Safe.

Sam laughed even though he wasn't really feeling the levity. He was worried. About a lot of things. Not the least of which was staying alive, followed by not doing anything that would make his brother kill him, and given the way his visions usually came to be, he figured somehow he wasn't going to achieve either of the first two. So his thoughts were focused on making sure Dean didn't do something stupid when it did come to be.

"Well they do." Dean said, the cot squeaking beneath him. "I hope Castiel called Bobby."

"Or went to see him. He isn't going to be happy if he is still out there looking for me." Sam said. "At least he was able to get to you before they took things too far."

"Castiel has saved us on more than one occasion." Dean said with a nod in the dark. "Stood up against the archangels." He did wonder which one destroyed Castiel the first time.

"He's also paying the price for that. Do you think he will ever find God or is it just a wild goose chase?"

"I think it's a wild goose chase, but he thinks there's a chance." Dean said. "When he realizes it, it's going to be ugly."

"It's never easy to be disillusioned, especially where your father is concerned. Doesn't matter how old you are." Sam said. He had spent his life being disillusioned about his Dad. Yet at the same time, placing him on the same pedestal that Dean had.

"You said you finally understood Dad." Dean said. "But have you ever forgiven him?"

"I don't know." He said honestly. "I don't think about it much. I don't think I have for the secrets. He knew something about me and kept it to himself. Didn't even tell you why he thought you would have to kill me." He said. "But for the whole growing up thing? Yeah, I've forgiven him for that. He did the best he could. Can't really expect more than that."

"You're right." Dean said. "He did the best he could. I don't know why he didn't tell me, or you, or us. BUt he didn't and that's something we'll have to muddle through on our own I guess."

"Not like anything can really fix the problem. And for all we know he found out about it while he was possessed and didn't have time for details or something." Sam said, hoping that was the case. He hated to think that Lucifer had been right and John had always known and that was why he had never trusted him.

"True, I didn't think about that." Dean said. "Guess I was always just used to Dad knowing everything."

"Or letting you think that he did. I mean.. in his position the last thing I would do is let a little kid realize I had doubts. Not exactly high on the list of ways to keep kids calm when the monsters show up."

"You're right." Dean said. "I guess I'm just tired." Tired of everything. Tired of angels, tired of demons, tired of God and His demands He couldn't even be bothered to stick around and deliver Himself. Tired of the fighting with Sam, of everyone he cared about in harm's way. He was just tired.

"You would have to be superman not to be. And he was never my favorite superhero anyway."

"I was always more partial to Batman. Catwoman is way hotter than Lois Lane." Dean said with a chuckle.

"Lois Lane is the dumbest reporter on the face of the planet. " He said. "But I refuse to be Robin to your Batman. And I guarantee you Bobby isn't Alfred."

"You're right. He's not Alfred. Alfred was cool, but Bobby's awesome." Dean said with a laugh. "And come on, being Robin isn't that bad. Eventually he grows up and gets his own comic book."

"Ooh black tights instead of green. " He said rolling his eyes. "And sad little tv show with a neurotic girlfriend from another dimension. I still think I will pass. Gotta be another option."

"Nope, that's all I'm coming up with." Dean said. "Guess you're stuck as Boy Wonder."

"Where does that leave Cas?" He asked with a chuckle.

There was a sound at the door, and it opened. "Well for once you two are in a safe place. My god boy, are you alright?" Bobby asked.

Sam was on his feet instantly. "Yeah... Yeah I'm fine. " He looked at the older man in awe. He had his legs back. Lucifer had done it...

Bobby frowned as Sam gaped at him. "This doesn't matter, Sam. If it puts some sort of hold on you, I'll go back in the chair. Don't even question that. If I find out you make a deal to keep me out of that chair, I'll put you in a chair."

Sam shook his head emphatically. "No... I didn't make a deal. " He said. "He was in my head a lot. But it isn't anything I have to pay for later. "

"Good." Bobby said. "Brought down some supplies." He said, using the light from the outside to manuever around as Castiel stood guard outside. "Food, movies, that sort of thing. Angel boy out there tells me you two are hunkering down here for a bit."

"Yeah, Dean thinks its a good idea to stay off the radar for a while, he's probably right. At least until we know how the blood is going to affect me."

"Is a good idea. And I admit I like having you two where I can keep an eye on you." Bobby said with a chuckle. "Makes me sleep easier at night."

Sam figured castiel must have told Bobby about the transfusion. "Yeah, okay. We can stay put for a while." He was still amazed that Bobby was back to normal.

"Good." Bobby said. "You two need to relax a bit. Unclench. If only for five minutes."

"Yeah." Sam said, but he wasnt sure he could really unclench. Not with what he had seen. "Thanks by the way... For coming after me, both of you."

"Nothing can get at you here, boy." Bobby said. "It's not very big, and it can get stuffy, but for now nothing can get at either of you. Except me. When I come down and whip you both into submission at poker after I take care of Rumsfeld and you sleep."

Sam smiled "Sounds good. I'm looking forward to it. Of course being in here we're going to have to play for pretzels. "

"I've got cheetos upstairs." Bobby said with a laugh.

"Even better, we've got pretzels and Dean has M&Ms. One way to keep track of who has been winning."

"Oh if we've got multiples, I'm eating the M&Ms." Dean said from his cot.

Sam laughed. "You would eat them anyway." He pointed out.

Dean chuckled. It was good to hear Sam laugh a bit. Gave him hope he was making the right decision. The decision he couldn't talk about to anyone. Maybe Castiel? Castiel was an angel, right? Not like Castiel would tell him he was doing the wrong thing even if he was.

Having the option of discussion taken right out of his hands made him want to discuss it all the more. Man his life sucked.

Sam picked up the deck of cards and sat back down on the cot. "So I figure we'll have... About a day's worth of poker before we start arguing out of boredom. "

Bobby brought up the lights and dragged over a chair. "I think it'll happen before then." He said with a chuckle. "Castiel, we can move to the edge and deal you in."

"I'm not familiar with this game." Castiel said looking at Sam as he shuffled the cards. "I've seen it played but never paid much attention to the game itself. "

"Come on, I'll show you." Dean said as they moved toward the edge of the panic room, but not outside it, to deal Castiel in. "It's easy. You're supposed to have a big angel brain, right?"

Castiel pulled up a chair to sit. "Alright." He said looking between the brothers. Something was off with both of them. "What is the purpose of the game?"

"To win all the Cheetos through bluffing and subterfuge." Bobby said, opening up the bag and doling out the orange corn twists.

"It's easy." Sam said. "It's all about math." He said and explained the game to Castiel as generically as possible.

Two hands later, Castiel looked at Sam in dismay. "If it's all about math, and I can't see all the cards, how did Dean beat me with a pair of twos?" He asked as Dean swept the pile of Cheetos toward him. This game wasn't giving him any information about what could be going on with the brothers. Either of them. They acted like this was just another night in some seedy motel room. It was...disconcerting.

"Because Dean is very good at bluffing. " Sam said. "And you haven't been playing long enough to know when he is doing that."

"Don't feel bad, Sam hasn't been playing long enough to know when I'm doing that either." Dean said with an easy grin that came easier than he thought it would.

"You don't win every time we play." Sam countered. "And if you say that you always let me win, I'm gonna short sheet your cot."

"All right. Then I won't say it." Dean said. "No one likes to be short sheeted."

"I don't understand that." Castiel said with a sigh. "Why would someone do that?" He asked after Dean explained it to him.

"To get back at someone. I tell ya, if Lucifer had just short sheeted Michael's bed, this whole thing could have been averted."

"Archangels don't have beds. Angels don't sleep." Castiel explained patiently.

"Yeah well, Lucifer is way past due for a nap." Sam said. "That even mellow tone is sometimes creepy coming from you, but coming from him it's scary as hell. When he stops being creepy, you know you're really in trouble."

"We thought we put him down for a nap." Castiel said. "As you say, anyway. Hoping for repentence. Lucifer was a favorite, after all. One of the few to see God."

"And he runs hell like God." Dean said, remembering a conversation with a demon a while ago. "Only a chosen few get to see him, and then only for certain purposes."

"Except God loves all His creations. Lucifer has nothing but contempt for everyone but himself." Castiel corrected.

"Yeah, I'm really feeling the love." Dean said with a roll of his eyes.

"Trust me you don't want Lucifer's good will." Sam said. "He messes with your head, straps you to a bed and gives you an oil change. All the while telling you how you should be grateful for his attention."

"If either of you are in trouble, you know I will help." Castiel said. He'd gone toe to toe with the archangels for them. Set himself up for destruction for them. And knew he was only back because of them.

Sam smiled warmly. "I know. It's why I knew I could bust Dean's ribs and you would come for him. I trust you." Which from Sam, was saying something with Cass being an angel and all.

Castiel nodded. He'd tried. He didn't know how to probe the brothers to get the answers he needed.

"That's why you broke my ribs?" Dean asked. "Wow, here I thought you did it because I was being an overbearing big brother."

"Had to get you out of there some how." Sam said. "If I hadn't he would have killed you or worse." He shrugged. "Besides, the only place less likely to cause you permanent harm would have been your head." Sam figured the two of them had their ribs broken so many times that they were probably spiderwebbed with the scars of fractures past.

"I have a cell phone." Castiel deadpanned.

"Yeah but I didn't anymore and Lucifer had the phone lines completely controlled." Sam said. "And I was having to adlib as much as possible, because he was trying to force me to kill Dean. A fight seemed a good idea at the time."

"Everyone wants us to kill each other." Dean said with a sigh. "I'm really getting sick of it."

Sam swallowed and looked away, unable to meet Dean's gaze in that moment. "Yeah, me too." He said. "What they want is for us to play meat puppet for their entertainment and end what we started."

Dean ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah, I know." He said. "Well, maybe they should hold their breath."

"Works for me... If they needed to breathe anyway." Sam pointed out.

Bobby looked at both boys. "So are we going to have to bang your heads together?" He asked. "Or are the two of you gonna tell us what's going on?" Bobby asked.

"Huh?" Sam asked, genuinely confused by that.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Dean said. "Other than the waiting to see what the blood did to Sam thing, there's nothing else going on."

"Yeah, we're fine. Really." Sam said.

"The hell you are. You were Lucifer's prisoner, and you were snagged by Angels." Bobby said. "And neither of you is showing signs of guilt, trauma or anger. You're putting on a con, and neither of you are good enough to pull on one me."

"Dude, I'm snagged by angels every other week." Dean pointed out. "It's not anything new. Ever. We all have their hobbies, I just happen to take objection to Zachariah's hobby."

"Zachariah doesn't have hobbies." Castiel said. "We all know why he 'snagged' you."

"And?" Dean said. "So the guy's script doesn't change. Big deal."

Sam remained quiet.

"No offense to you, Castiel, or to say that you and I didn't work our asses off to find Sam, but it all just seemed too damned easy all things considered . So things being easy combined with you two chuckle heads acting like it's just another Thursday night, spells trouble."

"Of course it was easy." Dean said, taking the cards from Sam to shuffle. "Lucifer was counting on Sam killing me. That was the big plan. Eliminate Michael's host clears the way for Lucifer. And eliminating Sam's brother clears the way for Lucifer to get a little more control. Am I the only one that sees that? Of course it was an obvious trap. But it worked out fine because Sam broke my ribs, enabling Castiel to find us. Any other obvious questions?"

"And getting you out of heaven's grasp?" Bobby asked, not at all convinced. He had a feeling that Lucifer wanted Sam out and about. Which meant they needed to keep him on lock down.

"I'm not the issue." Dean said. "Keeping Sam off the radar is." Nice deflection, and very true. Should work.

"As I recall that attitude is what got us into this mess in the first place. Neither of you is willing to think about your own actions, you're worried about each other too much."

"Impossible to worry about Sam too much." Dean said with a shrug.

"It is possible when you don't worry about yourself at the same time." Sam pointed out. "The world doesn't revolve around me. "

"You're right." Dean said. "It revolves around me. On whether or not I say yes to Michael. On whether or not I decide to stop the apocalypse or let it go. So I'd rather it revolves around you."

"You can't do that, Dean." Sam said, the vision clear in his head. It would destroy his brother to kill him. But Sam had come to terms with the idea of it years ago. He didn't have any real desire to hurry it along but he had accepted it. "And remember... You made a promise to me. Whether you planned to follow through or not you made a promise... Because I asked you to..." If Dean worried about him, to the exclusion of everything else, the world would end. And Dean would follow.

Dean threw the cards down and stood up, the chair falling behind him. "Shut up Sam." He said. "I'm not killing you." He said and went to lay down on his cot.

"You may not have choice." Sam said. "We don't know what a complete transfusion of demented archangel blood is going to do to me. And if you don't come to terms with it... It's going to destroy you when you have to do it."

Dean looked at Sam in horror. "That's what you saw? You saw me...killing...you?" He asked.

"Dean... It's okay. Come on... We've known this could happen since Dad died." He said. "I'm okay with it. And you having to do that means I'm not me anymore."

"Well, I'm not okay with it!" Dean snapped.

Castiel calmly gathered up the thrown cards and started pile them up neatly. "It wouldn't be you killing him, Dean. And it wouldn't be him being killed. Michael will kill Lucifer. It's been seen. It will happen. You do say yes. Unfortunately, so does Sam. Which makes this whole endeavor a waste of time."

"No one is saying yes to anyone." Bobby said, glaring at Castiel, "As long as Sam is still Sam no one is killing Sam either. " He wasn't going to say it wouldn't ever happen because if he said yes to Lucifer, then he wasn't their Sam anymore.

"You can't have it both ways Dean." Sam said. "If it's about me then it has to be in part about what I want. Which is for you to do what you have to do to survive this. If that means I die, then that's what it means. I have no intention of saying yes. But I saw you doing it. Which means you had reason. "

"Or Michael had a reason." Castiel said simply.

"It amounts to the same thing." Sam said. "The point I am trying to make is it's okay. I don't want to be the reason the world comes to an end."

The windows started shaking. It could be heard downstairs in the basement and Castiel cocked his head, blue eyes widening. "He's coming." He said.

"Lucifer?" Bobby asked.

"Michael. He's coming." He looked hard at Dean. "Because he has invitation."

"Sam, out, now." Bobby said pulling the younger Winchester toward the door, giving Dean a look to stay put. He wasn't going to give Michael a chance to use Dean to kill his brother. It would destroy the boy.

"Bobby, don't do this." Dean said with a sigh. Castiel looked at him in anger as he stood there while Bobby dragged Sam to the door. Dean couldn't get past him, and he was surprised that Dean decided to be smart enough to realize that.

"How could you do this?" Castiel asked quietly. "After all we've all given up so it doesn't come to this, so your planet doesn't burn, you did it anyway."

"You said it yourself, Cas. It was always going to come down to me." Dean said.

Once out of the panic room Sam closed the door. "I can't let that happen." He said. "I won't let them destroy you."

Dean just shook his head and sat on the cot as the noise died down. Until finally a man in a nice suit walked down the stairs. "Where is he?" The man demanded.

Castiel looked at him and moved in between the humans the man. "Chamuel. You can't have him."

"He has given consent to be Michael's host. The time to strike is now. " The angel said "Your concern for your charge is admirable, as is your search for our father, but it is time to leave Dean to Michael." He said. "It's part of the ineffable plan."

"No." Sam said firmly. "You don't get to have him. And before you go off about his free will and choices, get over it. Human beings interfere with each others free will all the time. Especially brothers."

"And look at the results." Chamuel said, lifting an eyebrow. "This is not a discussion, or a negotiation. I will free Dean from your prison and take him to Michael. The only choice you have is whether you are bleeding at the end of it."

"Chamuel, there is another way." Castiel said. "There is always another way. Let us have the time to find it."

"No... I have your other way. It's me." Sam said. "I'm meant to be the vessel of an archangel. Just change which archangel. This is my fault. And besides... I want a piece of that son of a bitch almost as much as I want to keep my brother out of this fight. Lucifer can't take Dean. He hasn't prepared him for it... He has me. If I am possessed by Michael, Lucifer can't get in... And he doesn't have another option. I'm not the perfect host but.. But... Nick is starting to deteriorate, I don't have to be the perfect host. I just have to not be Lucifer's."

Chamuel looked at Sam. "I'll take it to him." Chamuel said. "Rest assured, Lucifer can't take Dean regardless. Even if he begged."


	9. Chapter 9

"Dean wouldn't say yes unless he was certain it was the only thing to do." Castiel said. "I think even a vision of seeing Lucifer in you standing on his neck wouldn't change his mind. Something happened."

"I know... And it's got him making an emotional decision. When I go, find out what it was. It might be important, not just in that emotional black mail sort of way. He said that they healed his ribs. I should have known something was wrong with that story. Zachariah got to him somehow. Don't suppose there is any way to kill that one."

"He can be killed like any other angel." Castiel said. "But I doubt you'll deal with him. And when Michael takes over, he takes over. There will be no choices you have to make."

Sam nodded. "Tha'ts fine. Don't stick around if it will get you killed." Sam said. "I don't want that on my conscience. I figure he needs Dean alive. Otherwise there won't be any more Winchesters to use in the millenia to come. You I don't know. Your brother seemed pretty pissed. I'm sorry about that."

"I rebelled." Castiel said simply. "There's a no tolerance policy for that, even if you believe you were right. Which I do. But it is what caused Lucifer's downfall from heaven, so I do understand that. However, that doesn't mean they won't try to kill me. Or that I won't kill them instead. It is an all or nothing battle right now, Sam."

Sam nodded. "Do you think he is going to agree?" He asked. Because the alternative was disagreeing and getting rid of him using the preferred host.

"I don't know. He does have a binding agreement from his chosen, true vessel. You are a poor substitute. He could just lock you away so Lucifer can't get you, and then wait for Dean to break out."

"Or kill me and have done." Sam added. "So long as Dean doesn't have any part of it or have to know about it until after this is over... I'm ... Kinda okay with that... The killing me part. Not the taking over Dean part."

"He won't kill you. Killing you makes you accessible to Lucifer." Castiel said. "Dean is proof that people can be brought back from the dead."

"Then the vision involved me being possessed by Lucifer." Sam said and sighed "Yeah... Figures."

"This goes against the plan we all agreed to." Castiel said. "There is no approval from me here. I will protect your brother as much as he lets me."

"What am I supposed to do Cas? Let them take him and leave him a hollowed out husk because of something I did? Wasn't hell enough of a price to pay for my mistakes?"

"There is a difference." Castiel said. "Your brother would be beyond feeling at that point. He wouldn't be in pain. He wouldn't feel grief or loss or anger. It is not comparable to hell. And he is the chosen vessel. It will be far worse for you."

"He wouldn't exist any longer. It would be worse than hell. At least in hell he still existed. And I can deal with oblivion. I saw him kill me, I saw it.. Felt it. Full on vision. It happens... Unless I change it. And there is only one reason it would happen." Which in Sam's mind said he deserved hell, but oblivion would have to do.

"I don't understand humans." Castiel mused. "It might not work, Sam. I don't know how this could go."

_"_I know." He said in answer to both. "But it's the only option I have. And if it doesn't work you and Dean have to find a way that will." He wondered how much pondering the archangel was having to do before making up his mind. Or if he was merely waiting for Dean to break out as Castiel had suggested. Sam had no doubt that Dean was working on just that.

"I will find out what leverage the archangels are using." Castiel said. "Take care, Sam."

Chamuel appeared. "He accepts your proposal. It's not ideal. But it will do. You are to come with me now."

"Keep him safe." Sam said to Castiel, and then stepped closer to Chamuel. "Okay, let's go."

Castiel watched them disappear and went back downstairs and looked at Bobby, and the door. Where an awful lot of noise was still coming from the room. "He's gone." Followed by another loud crash.

Bobby sighed. He had stayed silent through the whole debate between Sam and Dean because there was no choice to be made. There was nothing he could say that would have prevented one of the boys from being taken, and he couldn't choose between them. "Dean... Son... You need to calm down. "

Castiel stood near the door "How did they make you agree?" He asked bluntly.

"Doesn't matter now, does it?" Dean asked. "Let me out of here."

"It mattered enough for you to give in." Castiel said, still not happy with the situation. In fact he was angry. They had all sacrificed to keep this moment from happening. Castiel had lost everything. His brothers, a portion of his grace. He had betrayed heaven, he was going to die, and he had accepted that, because it was the right thing to do, and now it was for nothing. "You...owe me an explanation."

"I don't owe you shit!" Dean snapped. "You're one of the ones that made my sacrifice for nothing. They're not going to uphold my conditions because I'm not the one doing it. Therefore, it doesn't matter anymore. You let me out, you let me find Sam, and I will explain everything."

"I gave up everything for you." Castiel said angrily. "Everything. To help you save your world. To help you fight them, not give in to them. You can stand there and tell me that you owe me nothing? When you have made everything we have all sacrificed for nothing?"

"Look around, Cas! We're losing. We're losing badly. And it's just going to get worse." Dean said. "I saw it. The future. Five years from now, what happens when this world tears itself apart. It's not pretty."

"And that made you give in. A vision of the future?" Castiel asked. "The future is only constant is the past. "

"The past influences the future." Dean said. "Everything in the past. Isn't what this is about? Free will is a joke. Humans have been manipulated since the dawn of time and I was hoping, I was trying, I wanted the manipulation of my family to stop with me."

"You can't protect Sam from all of this. He has always been part of it Dean. From the beginning." He said, not understanding what Dean was getting at.

"But Ben hasn't!" Dean shouted through the door. Something else went flying and clanked against the iron. "Not everyone has been a part of it from the beginning. They've just got the bad luck of being part of a fucked up blood line whether they liked it or not."

"Who's Ben?" Bobby asked. "My god. Dean, is that your....son?"

Castiel's face went blank, as he thought about it for a moment, then reached over and unlocked the door. "I didn't know. It was hidden from me."

Dean stepped out of the panic room and punched Castiel. He didn't know why he always did that when he knew the end result. His hand would hurt and Castiel would be unaffected. But he did it anyway.

"It was hidden from me too." Dean said. "And I got Michael to guarantee his safety throughout all this. Yours too, Bobby. And for them to call the hunt off you, Castiel. And you guys let Sam go behind my back and undo all of that!"

Castiel raised an eyebrow. "You went behind our back as well. " The angel pointed out. "They didn't come back for me so there is a chance they are honoring your bargain. In case they aren't, we should get you to your son, and protect him."

"No, we find Sam." Dean said.

Bobby sighed and adjusted his hat. "I'm thinking, and Castiel will tell me if I'm wrong, that Michael isn't much into conversation. Which means as soon as Sam agreed and got into position, he jumped in. Right now, there's no Sam to find. There is, however, a Ben."

"Bobby is correct. There is nothing we can do for Sam. He is now Michael. And he will be going to find Lucifer."

"Then we should find Lucifer." Dean said.

"And do what?" Bobby said. "Let him kill you without first securing Ben?" Dean shook his head.

"Fine. I know about where they are." He said and gave Castiel the location of the town.

Castiel nodded. "Gather anything you think you will need, I can take us there when you are ready."

Dean threw a few things together. "Why didn't either of you stop him? Either of you could have." He demanded. He was still fuming.

"I'm not choosing between the two of you." Bobby said. "I can't. I didn't figure Michael would take the deal anyway since you had already said yes apparently. Why would he settle when he could rattle the place down and have you anyway?"

"I don't understand his choice to accept Sam as his vessel. " Castiel said.

"Okay. Then let me make it clearer. Is there any possible way that Lucifer can throw Michael out of Sam?" Dean asked.

"No." Castiel said. "Angels cannot be exorcised. Not even by other angels. Only the angel in question and God can free a host."

"Then there's your answer." Dean said. "My guess is Michael is betting that him in the wrong host is stronger than Lucifer in a wrong host and that's enough to defeat him. And if it's not, then we're all fucked. Come on, let's go tell Lisa I know."

Castiel placed a hand on both men's shoulders and within moments and a bright blinding light they were standing outside Lisa's house.

"Try not to scare the kid, Cas." Dean said as he knocked on the door. "This is not going to go well." He said with a sigh.

"I'm very good with children. " Castiel said giving Dean a perplexed look. He had been a guardian angel his entire existence after all. And if he had not been cut off from heaven, this boy would be one of his charges after all.

Bobby ran a hand through his hair then put his cap back on as the young brunette answered the door. The mother of Dean's son? Well, Winchesters never did anything by halves.

"Dean... Hi, what are you doing here?" Lisa asked with a smile.

"Lisa we have to talk." Dean said. "Can we come in? Is Ben home?"

"No he's at school." Lisa said. "Is everything alright?" She asked stepping aside to let him in. "Can I get you anything?" She asked them wondering why Dean was there with two strangers.

"We're fine." Dean said. "Lisa, I know. You lied to me and now I know."

"You know wh- " She took a deep breath. "And you came here with back up to do what exactly? I'm sorry I kept it from you but Dean... We had a great time. But neither of us had any expectations. I see you once 10 years later... I didn't know you. I know that you like to have a good time. No that's not a judgment. I was pretty wild myself before Ben, but I have no way of knowing what sort of father you would make.. Or if you even wanted to be a father."

"Lisa, sit down. I have a few things about myself I have to explain to you." He said and explained the bare bones about the Apocalypse. His blood line. Archangels. "But I'm going to make this right. This won't be Ben's responsibility, I promise you."

"If it weren't for the changeling incident I think I would be calling the cops right now. My God Dean.. What do I do? How do I keep him safe?"

"When Ben comes home, Castiel is going to touch his forehead and he's going to go to sleep. Then Castiel is going to brand his ribs so the angels can't find him." Dean said, thinking on the fly. "It only hurts for a second, trust me, I know, and then it's over. He'll sleep right through it and he'll wake up. Tell him he had low blood sugar or something. Everything else, I will do. I'll take care of this."

"No.. I need to know what to do, because you can't be here all the time to protect him." She said. "What do I tell him about you?"

"Nothing." Dean said with a shrug. "Just whatever you've been telling him so far, I guess. Things are going to get hairy for a bit. We'll shore up this house as best we can. Teach you about salt. Holy water. Things like that. You know how to shoot a gun?" She had run with a wild crowd once upon a time, maybe she had learned.

"Yeah I know how to shoot. " She said. "The world really is coming to an end... I'm going to allow a gun in the house with Ben. "

"You should get a tattoo. Well, another one." He said with a bit of a smirk. Knowing quite well the location of her tattoo. "I'll draw it out for you. And give this to Ben until he's old enough." He said, handing Lisa an anti possession charm. "It's the best I can do right now." He said with a quick glare to Castiel and Bobby.

"Alright." She said nodding. This was insane. The whole thing was insane. Yet she believed him. She got up and started pacing. Angels and demons both...and they would be wanting her son. Oh this was so not going to happen. "So you said you had things to teach me... Let's get on it. Ben will be home in a few hours. I don't want to look like I don't know what's going on in front of him. He needs to be able to count on me, not try and take care of me."

"Lisa....I am sorry." Dean said as he dumped out his bag and started going over salt rounds. "I shouldn't have to mess up your life. I do that enough with everyone else's. I figured, wrongly, you were free of that curse."

Lisa touched his arm. "If this is part of what it means to have Ben... It's worth it. It's not a curse."

"He's a good kid, Lisa. He really is." Dean said. "That guy over there, he's Castiel. If all goes well, he'll be looking out for Ben whenever he can. I'll give you his cell number and I'll need you to check in with him every now and again. Guardian angel, good to have on your side. Trust me on that one."

"Guardian angel. He can't be yours. He doesn't have a nervous twitch." She said as she looked over the things Dean had been showing her. "If you say I can trust him, I will." Which was odd to her since they were hiding their son from angels.

"He twitches in his own way." Dean said with a chuckle. "He's the one angel I trust. When push comes to shove, for some stupid reason he chooses me over his own existence and grace."

"Who's the other guy?" She asked referring to Bobby who was going around, putting up the proper protections around the place.

"That's Bobby Singer. The smartest man you'll ever meet in this area." Dean said. "He'll help too." After all, this was the grandson of his deceased best friend. "This is the best I can do and I hope it's enough."

"It'll have to be. " She said. Part of her wanted to rant at him for bringing this down on their heads. She really did, but she also knew that this wasn't something in his control. Even if it had been it wasn't like she could undo it now. Or would if she could. Besides there was too much to take in to waste time yelling over things that didn't matter when push came to shove. "But you know... I think you're gonna have to start sending birthday cards or something when this is all over and done, because...this is a lot to lay on a guy and disappear." She said. "You don't have to be a Dad. You don't have to be around. You just need to ... Make your presence known I guess. "

"Lisa, it's not that. I told you that before." Dean said. "It has nothing to do with wanting to be a dad, or wanting to be around." He took a deep breath and put his hand on her shoulder. "Despite these two's best intentions and best efforts, chances are I'm not making it out of this, not in any recognizable way anyway. That's the cold hard truth. If I could, I would. Because, you know what? Whenever I picture myself happy, or at peace, you know what I picture? You and Ben. Even before I knew."

"If... When... You get through this... If we are still standing when it's done... Come find us. I don't know where things might go... But ... We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

Dean nodded and went through a few more things with Lisa, writing things down for future reference. Chants, cants, rituals, cell numbers. His hand was cramping by the time he was done. He looked at the clock. "We better go."

"Be careful." She told him.

"The boy is coming." Castiel said quietly.

Dean nodded and stood up. "Castiel, get him as soon as he walks in the door. I don't want him to see any of us. It'll just confuse him later" Let the kid have a few more days of normal childhood. It was the least Dean could do.

The angel nodded and moved toward the door.

Ben opened the door. "Mom, I'm home." He said then fell silent as Castiel touched his forehead. He caught him before he could slump to the floor. He eased him onto the sofa and lay a hand on his chest. A bright light emitted from his hands and spread over the boy's chest. "It's done. He will waken shortly. We should go."

Dean nodded and looked at Lisa. "If he, you know, ever asks about his father....tell him something good. Even if you have to make it up." He requested.

"Call me and I'll make sure you don't have to make it up." Bobby said.

"I will come and let you know if anything has happened." Castiel promised. At least if he himself survived. If any of them survived.

"I will." Lisa said, to Dean in specific. "But you'll be back." She told him. "You've come back against all odds twice now. They say everything happens in threes, you know."

"Yeah, and that's what I'm afraid of." Dean said with a sigh. "We're going to get going. Take care, Lisa. Please."

"I will. Thank you." She said and reached up to kiss him on the cheek. "Be careful." She added.

"I will be." He lied. The time for careful had passed. He looked at Castiel and they appeared back at Bobby's. "Okay, so that's done. Now we find Sam."

"Now we find Michael." Castiel corrected. "He won't be thinking like Sam. It won't do any good to look for him as Sam."

"Seems to me, " Bobby said. "That the fastest way to find them is to look for Lucifer."

"Which is a change. Usually we've been running from him." Dean said. "Okay, Michael's a pretty traditional guy. So he'd stick to Revelations. Apocalypse. Armageddoin. Big battle....they won't go overseas. They'll stay here." He said, pacing as he thought.

"Eventually, my guess is, they'll wind up at Gettysburg."

"It would make sense. Har Mageddo was used in the prophesy because of it being the site of many battles." Castiel said. "I suggest that I take you - it's a very long drive."

"Man, I'm never going to poop again." Dean said with a sigh as he packed another bag.

"So what's the plan? Lucifer's not going to be happy to see me."

"He's not going to be paying much attention. He will be too busy fighting off our brother." Castiel said simply.

"It's going to be an even fight. And that's a problem." Dean said. "Well, let's get going. So I can get my brother back."

Castiel nodded. He wasn't going to say that there was a chance that he wouldn't get Sam back at all. That Sam might be consumed by Michael entirely. Once more he touched the two men and they were transported.

"Oh this is not good." Dean said as he looked around the place. The dead were rising. All over. In various states of disrepair.

"Not good isn't the half of it." Bobby said, figuring he knew now why they had brought forth Death. To give Lucifer an army.

"All right." Dean said. "Let's get to killing the dead. Find Lucifer. Find our conjoined brothers. Save the world. Get a beer."

Bobby nodded and readied the shotgun, then strode into the fray, blowing away the heads of those he encountered.

Dean took another flank. He was in it to find Lucifer. To find his brother. It was too late to demand a switch, Lucifer would just hop right into Sam's body which defeated the whole purpose. Everything smelled of smoke and blood, the sky was black and even the air was hazy. He could only assume it was spreading other places. Other battles. Other distractions where people could get caught in the crossfire. He was angry that this was happening, it shouldn't be. Not if everything went according to his plan, that anger made him ferocious and vicious against the dead, the poor guys who once died for something they actually believed in, but were now just pawns.

Castiel waded through the battle as one would a shallow stream. He was following his instincts toward the center of the battle.

Where his brothers fought against Lucifer and his minions. Michael in Sam's form was at the forefront of the battle.

Dean cut through the demons with the knife. He saw Sam. Sam's form. Whatever. Sam's voice barking out orders to angels. Sam really not doing well in the fight. There was a reason Lucifer rose now after all, he was certain he could win.

That was unacceptable to Dean. One, he didn't want the world to end. Sure it sucked monkey rocks most of the time, but it was still his world. Two, if Michael lost, that meant Sam was lost. He had died for that kid once already. He would do it again in a heart beat as he picked a long stake up from a now deceased angel.

Michael spotted Dean, could feel him there - his true vessel, and he smiled, continuing on with renewed vigor as Dean made his way through the fray. He just had to wait for the right moment, and make the right movement.

"Michael. Join me. Give me Sam, you take Dean, we can start a whole new world, brother." Lucifer enjoined him, also spotting Dean. "We're brothers, Michael. No matter what, you are my brother and I would like you to see this brand new world I'm making. You can be a part of it!" In between dodges and swipes. The vessel, not his true vessel, was barely holding on. Moving under pure fallen angelic will. Because his brother had usurped his true vessel. It was really too bad the tables couldn't be turned.

"Come home with me, put this behind you, ask for forgiveness. He would give it. You were his favorite... My favorite... Make this right before it's too late. "

"I am making it right!" Lucifer said. "These humans....they don't deserve our father's love. They don't deserve your adoration. What have you been doing while I've been walking, brother? Waiting for a human to say yes. And it was the wrong one! They're unreliable. They're trecherous. They've done things to each other without my influence at all. They don't deserve to exist. They're a failed experiment of our father's that has to end now, Michael. They have to end. Give up the host, I'll give up mine, let's set this right together."

"It doesn't matter what they deserve, Lucifer. It's what our Father wants. It's what He loves. It doesn't make Him love us less. Don't make me do this again."

"God isn't home. I know that much. You're on your own, Michael. We've always been on our own, you're just the last to realize that our Father doesn't give a shit about us. We were made to obey and serve and worship. You've always been the good son, and where has it gotten you? In a chaotic house with a deadbeat abandoning father having to look after creatures that either don't believe in you or spit on your very name? Your own vessel despises you. I don't understand how you can still love them." Lucifer said, advancing.

"Because they are amazing creatures, Lucifer. You only see them at their worst." He paced the closing of the space between them, sensing Dean, waiting for him to be in position. Even though Dean had no idea what the plan actually was.

"Michael, brother, choose me. For once, choose me over them. I love you, you are my brother. I have been there from almost the beginning." Lucifer pleaded once more. "Don't make me destroy you. Don't make me do it. I will do it, but don't make me do it."

Dean watched the scene. It was amazing, really. They were both pulling blows. Hesitant to really destroy the other. Huh. Maybe they really were brothers after all. Guess that meant Dean would have to step up to the plate if Michael wasn't going to. Because the only way Michael would release Sam is if the devil was dead. He stayed out of Lucifer's line of sight as he spun the metallic colored spike in his hand. He'd do his damn job, even if he didn't have an archangel in him.

"I'm sorry, Luc." Michael said in Sam's voice, a pained look in Sam's eyes. He then moved at an amazing speed, grasping the devil, and turning him to face the advancing Dean Winchester, knowing what the man would do.

Dean would reflect later that it was symmetry. He'd impaled Ruby on her own blade the night the devil rose. Now, in the final fight, his brother (or at least his body) held the opponent as Dean skewered him. In. Up. A twist for good measure. The vessel fell at his feet as Dean looked at his brother.

"Give me back my brother." Dean said.

Michael was watching his own brother in that moment, and sighed in relief that he was in hell once more, rather than dead. He had found a way to save his brother, to give him another chance to make things right.

"In due time. I have things to repair. I will bring him back to you soon. " He looked at Dean, the man wasn't doing well, he needed to be healed and Michael reached out.

Dean backed away. "Things to repair? You mean there's no paradise. Which means the son of a bitch isn't dead." Dean growled.

"He's in hell." Castiel said. "Where Michael hopes Lucifer will redeem himself and come back to the fold."

"So let me get this straight. Lucifer tries to end the world and he gets a time out. Castiel decides to protect me from your screwed up siblings and everything else, and he's hunted like Bambi?" Dean demanded. "And there's no end for me, is there? Or my son. You're going to come knocking at my door again, aren't you?"

"This was why you were saying no. Because you didn't want paradise. You didn't want hell. You wanted to save your brother, no matter what he has done. So do I. We both win. No one will harm Castiel. I won't allow it. As for the other, I don't know. Perhaps. Perhaps it will be generations in the future that you will never know."

Dean shook his head. "You did your job. Or more correctly, yet another manipulation so I could do your job for you. I want my brother back. I want a beer. I want to get laid. I want my screwed up life to go back to its screwed up status quo. What, exactly do you have to repair? How many people died in the cross fire today?"

"Too many." Michael answered. "Which is what I need to repair... Rectify. You will have your brother back. When I am through. He willingly gave himself to me. He is not a victim."

"No, he's my brother." Dean said. "I'm going to a bar." He said to Castiel. "This is a tourist trap town. Gotta be one open. If not, I'll break in. I need a drink." He looked over at Bobby. "I'll buy the first round." And plant himself until his brother came back.

Castiel nodded. "Are you sure drinking is a wise course of action? You have a concussion, and your blood pressure is dropping dangerously low." He said as Michael faded from view.

"Sam!" Dean cried out as Michael faded from view. "I'm fine." He said. And promptly collapsed in a heap.

"Did you manage to get your healing mojo back or are we taking him to a hospital?" Bobby asked, kneeling beside Dean. He was beat up as well, but not as bad as Dean.

"Hospital." He said "You as well." He picked up Dean and began walking. The battle and all the travelling he had done had taken it out of him. He managed to the nearest functional car, and put Dean in the back seat, waiting for Bobby to start it and drive.

Bobby hotwired it and started driving to the first hospital he found. Which was overflowing with patients and trauma. "Come on, Dean should at least get fast tracked."

He said, just joining the line of cars and parking it wherever he could. "Let's get him in there, how's he doing? Damn those layers, I can't even see where he's bleeding from."

"It's internal." Castiel said as he got out of the car, pushing his way through the crowd, rendering unconscious any that tried to slow his progress. It went unnoticed in the chaos.

Dean was on a gurney and wheeled into the nearest examination room before Castiel slowed at all.

"I think your brothers should think of a better way to repay these boys for saving the world....again....other than intubation." Bobby commented. Not that he was going to complain about Castiel making sure Dean was at the front of the line.

"I will take it up with them when I see them " Michael might have prevented his execution, or his being hunted but he didn't foresee being allowed back in heaven's ranks.

"Okay, what do we got here?" The doctor said, coming in and stripping off one pair of bloody gloves, quickly rubbing his hands with sanitizer and pulling on new gloves. He didn't wait for an answer, he just started cutting off Dean's clothes and checking pupils. "concussion. Internal bleeding." He said, prodding Dean's abdomen. "Okay. Surgery." He said, taking out a marker and writing the letter S on Dean's forehead. "The world's gone crazy." He said to no one in particular. "We'll shove him to the front of the line." He said to Bobby. "If we get him in fast, he's got a good chance." He said, and then left the room to triage the next patient.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N sorry about the glitch in the last chapter. I have corrected it and reposted. Rookie mistake on my part. I really do apologize. Hopefully the update will encourage you to forgive me, and maybe even review a little. Thanks for still reading!

Bobby sat beside the bed, staring at Dean as he lay unconscious. He was holding his own. Breathing, heart beating, all the necessary functions, but one. Consciousness.

Castiel was standing by the window. Also waiting. Keeping watch. Waiting for word on Michael and Sam. But he sensed the angel approaching before Bobby saw him enter the room. Castiel stiffened and glanced around the room. Dean was not conscious, he couldn't fend for himself. Bobby was healing as well. And here stood the archangel who had been responsible for Castiel's destruction previously.

Raphael.

The archangel moved toward Dean's bedside, raising his hand, motioning for Bobby and Castiel to stay where they were as he placed his hand over the young man's heart.

Bobby looked at Castiel, who nodded. He watched as Dean started to cough and retch, convulsing off the bed before opening his eyes and looking wildly about. "Where's Sam?" He asked. "Where's my brother?"

Raphael handed him a business card for a nursing home. "I've done all I can for him."

Dean took the card, his eyes filled with horror. "You son of a bitch. You and Michael both." He said as he got out of the bed and found some clothes.

Raphael said nothing. The look he cast in his brother's direction made it plain that he still thought of the guardian angel as a traitor. One he would like to kill. Again. Then he faded from view.

"Dean... I'm sorry." Castiel said. He liked Sam. Considered him a friend. He didn't like what happened to him any more than Dean did. It was what he had expected however.

Dean just nodded and handed Castiel the card. "Take me there now." He said. He couldn't take it out on Castiel, as much as he wanted to. He'd seen Raphael's look as well.

Castiel looked at the card, and then handed it to Bobby so he would know where they were going. Then rested his hand on Dean, and transported them to Sam's room in the nursing home.

Dean went to Sam's bedside and looked at him. "Son of a bitch." He said. "We're getting him out of here, Cas."

"Where are we taking him? He will need a great deal of care now." There was no argument in his tone, merely statements of fact. His family had abandoned him. Dean and his family were all Castiel had left now. He would take care of them, to the best of his abilities.

"We take care of each other." Dean said. "We always have. I don't know back to Bobby's for now. It's already fairly wheelchair accessible. There's even an empty chair for him. I mean, look at him, Cas! He's freaking cauliflower, and it's because of me. I leave him here, he'll rot and die. No. No, I can fix this. Just...don't ask me how right now."

"You will not make another deal with demons." Castiel said firmly. "But we will take care of him." He said making the trip Dean had requested.

The first thing Dean did was change into his own clothes. Then brought sweatpants and a t-shirt for Sam. Along with bedding for the couch. He made up the pull out couch and managed to get his brother onto it. It never occurred to ask Castiel for help. His brother limp. Dead weight though he was breathing. Just....staring blankly. Worse, drooling, which Dean wiped away. "This wasn't supposed to happen. If it were me, it wouldn't have happened. I don't get it; he didn't hollow out my dad."

"He isn't the first born. The connection isn't as strong. It may be the demon blood he consumed as well that made things worse." He said. He had expected it. Mostly because Sam wasn't a true servant of God. It would make Michael's grace difficult to bear.

Dean shook his head. "This is bullshit. You want to know why I don't have faith in God or heaven. Look at my brother. Look at what Sam did for the heavenly host and look where it got him." He said as he finished dressing his brother's limp, flaccid body. "Sacrifice is one thing. This? This is torture."

"He knew that this was probable. We spoke of it before he left. He was willing to face this. He feels no pain, no guilt."

"Yeah, well I do!" Dean said as he got socks on his brother's big feet. "I have to make him something to eat. Maybe Bobby has leftovers. Dammit, we've got Bobby headed to the nursing home, better go tell him to come home."

"I'll call him." Castiel said taking out his cell phone. He knew better than to trust Dean alone at a time like this. He would start the process all over again if he made a deal with the devil. It would simply start all over and Sam's sacrifice would be for nothing.

Dean shook his head. He'd find a way. He couldn't be watched all the time. Instead he heated up some stew to lukewarm and brought out the bowl and a towel. He pulled his brother into a sitting up position and draped the towel over him. "Okay, Sammy. See, you don't remember this, but I used to do this all the time. Of course, back in those days you were a lot littler than I was." He said with a chuckle as he started spooning the stew into Sam's mouth. He had to talk. Or he'd go insane.

Sam managed to eat on his own, it was slow, almost instinctive, but he managed. Swallowing far more than Dean had to clean up with the towel. It was a small thing really, but Castiel found it hopeful.

He told Bobby the condition they had found Sam in. "We have to keep an eye on Dean. He will do something foolish if we are not careful."

"He will absolutely do something foolish. He's got a stellar track record in that area." Bobby grumbled. "Okay, sounds like Sam isn't going anywhere fast, so concentrate on Dean. Do not let him out of your sight, no matter what he says. I know that boy, he can be persuasive. Don't be persuaded."

"He has already tried once." Castiel said. "I will stay with him." His own purpose for existing. Taking care of the two brothers. He wasn't going to fail again.

"Good. I'll be there as soon as I can. Oh, and Rumsfeld can take himself out. All someone needs to do is open the door. Don't let him trick you that way."

"Right now the dog is on the sofa with his head in Sam's lap. It looks almost tame "

"He's a good dog." Bobby said. "Good guard dog. He'll hold down the fort for me while you keep an eagle eye on Dean till I get there."

Castiel hung up and moved to sit in the living room with Dean. "I know what it is you want to do. I can't allow that to happen."

"Pick up mind reading?" Dean said blandly as he continued feeding his brother. "Don't start on me, Cas. Just don't. Nothing you say or Bobby will say would make a difference. The only words that will make a difference are Sam's. And he's not talking."

"Sam was tormented by the fact that you went to hell. He blamed himself. Is that what you want for him again? Do you want to start the apocalypse all over again?"

"Then you lie to him." Dean said. "Say I died on the operating table. Something. It's believable. I almost did."

"And then Sam will go to the cross roads, make a deal, and take your place." He said "That's not what you want, Dean."

"Oh, so now everyone cares about what I want." Dean said as he finished feeding his brother. "I'm going to go rinse this dish out. Or you can do it. Either way you have to move from the door way."

"We care about you as well as Sam." He said, moving to allow Dean to pass into the kitchen. "You can't change this Dean. I don't know that even a cross roads demon can change this."

Dean shook his head as he rinsed out the dish. Within a few days he had a routine set up for Sam that worked for him. Within a few weeks the only person he talked to was Sam, and that was just to try and get a reaction. A running commentary just trying to see if his brother was still in there. Every morning Dean got up, moved his brother to Bobby's wheelchair. Fed him breakfast. Brushed his teeth. Exercised his arms and legs. Washed him up, dressed him. More exercises. Lunch. More talking. Dinner. Back to bed. Sleep. Repeat. Dean wasn't sure if he was real any more. Or if his brother was real. Maybe he did die. And he went to hell. This was hell, and it was worse than any torture he'd been under the first time around.

Bobby did all that he could to try and give Dean respite, but he wouldn't take it. He seemed to think that it meant Bobby didn't think he was taking care of Sam right. As the weeks dragged on into months, Bobby was convinced that Dean was going to go mad with it.

The first signs of life were when Sam began to pet Rumsfeld as the dog laid his head on Sam's lap. It was a small movement, merely placing his hand on the dog's head and slowly toying with one black velvety ear.

Dean didn't even notice it at first. And when he did, he did a double take before going to the door. "Bobby! Cas!" He called out. "Tell me I'm not imagining that. Because if I am, I'm insane. Do you see that? Tell me you see that."

Bobby laughed in relief. "Yeah. I see it. He's not completely gone, Dean. It may take time but we'll get him back." He just hoped they got the important parts back.

It wasn't his imagination. Relieved, Dean let himself slide down the wall and sit on the floor and closed his eyes for a moment. "Okay. Got my sign. He's in there. Now I just have to find him."

Castiel watched. "Where do we begin?" He asked.

"Begin? It's just a repeat of what I've been doing." Dean said. "If I keep talking to him, eventually he'll tell me to shut up."

Castiel didn't understand Dean's logic, but knew better than to say anything. This was the first glimmer of hope he had seen in his friend's eyes since they had brought Sam home.

Bobby shook his head. "Or I will." He said lightly. "You know some of the rest of us can do a little of that as well."

"We're good." Dean said. He started up another one sided conversation about what was on television the night before. Pointless, inane, but Dean had hope now.

Rumsfeld stayed where he was, his tail occasionally thumping when Sam would hit just the right spot.

Sam would move a little more on his own as the days passed. Turning his head slowly to follow sound, shifting in the wheel chair, showing interest in food.

Encouraged by Sam's progress, Dean started interacting with the outside world as well. Castiel was still watching Dean closely, so Dean started to acknowledge his presence. "Don't take this the wrong way, Castiel. I like you. You're a friend. But you know what pisses me off about angels? Humans have to not only do their dirty work, but then the angels disappear in the aftermath and we have to pick up more of their mess. And these are the angels that supposedly like humans! If you were able to go home, would you go?"

"I don't think about it." Castiel said. "My job has always been to watch over your family. I simply do that at a much closer distance now." He was afraid that too much thought of going home would produce bitterness to rival Lucifer's. He was glad that he didn't have one special brother above all others. There was no one to miss. Although sometimes the quietness of his own thoughts and no others was maddening.

"Man, sometimes I wonder who did you piss off to get this assignment." Dean said with a chuckle. "Come on, admit it, if you could get headaches, you'd have a never ending one from us." Though lately they'd been behaving because of Sam's condition. Hard to get into trouble that way when he was watched as closely as he had been.

"It was an honor to receive the assignment." Castiel said genuinely surprised at Dean's statement. "I know it's an unpleasant situation for you, but you are Michael's true Vessel. He chose me to watch over you. I don't think he is pleased with how I chose to go about it, but that doesn't change that I was chosen."

"Huh. I never thought about it that way." Dean said. "I guess you're right. So what happens now? I mean, a vessel isn't needed right now, so I'm assuming there will be another true vessel somewhere along the line down the road. But does this mean now the rest of the angels go back to ignoring us? Specifically Zachariah?"

"They should." Castiel said. "And they cannot find Ben. Or his mother. When I went back to tell her that you had lived, I took care of what I should have done the first time. I branded her ribs as well. "

"The downside of that being you can't find them either." Dean said with a sigh. "Which I hope won't turn into a problem. The kid deserves a normal life."

"She knows how to reach me... I know where they are living. How to reach her. I will know if they are in trouble. I always know."

Dean nodded. "Good." He said. "So what now? I mean the devil's back in hell, Sam is coming around, and so what happens now? We go back to our old messed up lives instead of our recent messed up lives? I bet we kept you busy."

"Very busy." He said. "What you do with your lives is up to you now. Free will isn't always an illusion. Sometimes there are choices."

"Not really. No choice until Sam is up and at 'em." Dean said. "I can't run away from him."

"He is slowly coming around." Castiel said. "Which is miraculous."

"Contrary to popular belief, it's really hard to kill a Winchester. Harder to make them permanent vegetables." Dean said. "So how is Lisa? And Ben?"

"As often as you have died, I think it would be more accurate to say it's hard to permanently kill a Winchester." Castiel said. "And they are alright."

"Good." Dean said. "Cas....I'm sorry you lost your family because of me."

"I lost my family because I did what I still believe was the right thing. Because my father wasn't around to show us what we needed to do. It wasn't your fault."

"Well, he's got us." Bobby said gruffly as he came into the room with a leash. "Have to take the dog for his check up."

"He doesn't like leaving Sam's side. That could prove difficult." Castiel said looking at the aging monster sized dog.

"I know. But if he wants to continue to stay there, he needs his check up." Bobby said. "Rumsfeld, come on boy. This way. Then you can come back."

"He's negotiating with a dog." Dean said, shaking his head.

"Dogs are intelligent creatures." Castiel said. "And that one is large enough to eat him if he doesn't agree."

Rumsfeld whined and nuzzled in closer to Sam, looking up at Bobby with large brown eyes.

Dean laughed. "Time for Sam's bath." Dean announced and made movements to move his brother. Rumsfeld hated bath time. Anyone's bath time.

Rumsfeld moved toward Bobby, preferring the vet to the bath tub any day.

Bobby latched the leash on and led the dog out. "Too bad the dog can't tell time." Dean said with a shrug. "But hey, worked. Sam, did you see that?"

"It won't work twice. He'll figure out you lied when you give Sam his bath later on." Castiel said. "Are there other stimuli that we could be using on Sam?"

"I've tried talking, shouting, yelling, music, TV, the last thunderstorm, a roaring engine. I exercise his arms and legs like that physical therapist taught me. I'm not massaging him. Maybe I'll hire someone." Dean mused.

"A female masseuse might get his attention... Or that could just be physiology. "Castiel said."What?" He asked at the look Dean gave him. "It is the reason you don't massage him."

"The reason I don't massage him is because of Chuck. There are already people out there who imagine and write fictional stories about me having sex with my brother. Which is the most disturbing thing I've ever heard of. And I've heard of a lot of disturbing things. Seen them too. So all I need to do is give my brother a therapeutic massage, Chuck writes it down, and well....no. Just no. But a female masseuse might be good."

"I doubt Chuck is having visions of you any longer. But it might be better if it were a woman. It might be something he has been... Missing... As there are no females here. "

"You mean I can have a life without an audience?" Dean asked with a grin. "Wow, finally. I get it, God told him to write it down. But God did not tell him to hold conventions with role playing."

"He had to support himself. Being a prophet pays less than hunting."

"Winchester Gospel." Dean said with a chuckle. "No one's really going to read that as religious literature, are they? I mean, prank wars, full frontal sex...."

"It will be edited in the future. The gospels are always edited. Daily life is not on the need to know list. "

"Good." Dean said. "That way you stay nice and austere and angelic like. No one needs to know about that strip bar." Dean said with a grin. "Or the liquor store."

Castiel nodded "Yes, which is probably for the best." He said "Especially the strip bar."

Dean chuckled at that. "I do have to get you laid though." Dean said. "But first, we find a masseuse for Sam." He said, pulling out the phone book.

Castiel turned to look at Sam, and saw the wheel chair was empty. "Dean..." He said grabbing his arm and turning him to look.

Dean dropped the phone book. "Sam!" Dean started yelling as he went from room the room. Finally came to the bathroom and it was locked. "Sam? Are you in there? Either speak or bang against something or I swear I'm coming in!"

"Do you mind?" came Sam's voice from the bathroom. "I ahm... This is kinda private." His voice was shaky but it was definitely Sam.

Dean let out a laugh. "All that talk about masseuses." Dean said as he leaned against the wall and gave Castiel a grin. "Finally." He said.

The door opened several minutes later, and Sam came out. He looked between the two men in confusion, then at his surroundings. "Ahm... Hi." He said, as if testing the situation.

Dean damn near hugged his brother. But was brought up quick by Sam's tone. "Hi." Dean said. "You're at Bobby's. Hungry?"

"Ahm... Yeah... So that makes you Bobby then... Right?" He asked looking at Castiel.

"No. I'm not."

Dean stopped in the doorway to the kitchen. "What?" He asked, turning slowly around. "You don't know who he is? Do you know who I am? Who you are?"

Sam paused for a moment. "No. I don't." And that scared him. "Who are you...? Why was I in a wheel chair...? I don't remember anything... "

"I'm your brother." Dean managed to get out, voice breaking before he fled into the kitchen. Castiel watched Sam.

"You were in a wheelchair because you are too big for your brother to carry around." Castiel said. "And there is only so much he let other people do when it comes to taking care of you."

"What was wrong with me?" He asked and looked toward the kitchen door. "Is he alright?"

"You were catatonic." Castiel said. "Dean is fine. This is what's called having a minute."

"Moment, Cas, moment. And I'm not having a moment; I'm having a freaking breakdown. Do you mind?" Dean snapped from the kitchen.

"You were in that state for four months." Castiel said. "You didn't walk. You wouldn't eat without food being put in your mouth. You couldn't clean yourself. Four months is a surprisingly long time in a human's life."

"Dean... Okay so Dean is my brother, your name is Cas, and there is someone else named Bobby that isn't here. Which leaves ... Who am I?" He leaned against the wall, not sure how to take any of this.

"Samuel." Castiel said. "Sam Winchester. You are four years, three months and eight days younger than Dean."

"Wow... "He said "You always that Precise?" Sam frowned "Shouldn't we go and check on... "He paused "on Dean?"

"You could. But there's a chance he might break something." Castiel said. "I can understand it, surprisingly."

"Right." He said slowly wondering what it was about Castiel that was off. "I guess I can risk him breaking something. It's not likely to be me." Not if he was being told the truth and the guy had taken care of him for the last 4 months like an over grown baby.

Castiel stepped away. "No. He won't break you." Castiel said.

Sam walked into the kitchen. "Hi... You okay?" He asked the man who was supposed to be his brother. He could feel a connection there. Even though he had no memories of him at all.

"Me? I'm fine." Dean said. "How are you? Steady on your feet? Been a few months. Mostly it's been me winging you from bed to chair to couch and back again. The physical therapist gave me exercises to do on you, guess they worked. You look all right."

"Ah...yeah... I feel okay. A little shaky, but I can manage. 4 months of that huh. I ahm... thanks...that's a lot to have to manage. How did I get in that state to begin with?"

"That....that is a long story." Dean said. "And you're not ready to hear it. Trust me, you're not."

"Okay... So what am I ready to hear?" He asked as he sat down at the table."Or what are you up to telling me."

"I'm your older brother. Our parents are dead. I drive a car you like to make fun of. We're at a family friend's house; he's at the vet with his dog." Dean said as he heated up soup. "We've been through hell." It should be getting better, he should see this as an improvement, but he didn't.

"Is there a sister in law...? Or ... Anything? I am assuming I'm single if you were the one taking care of me all this time"

Dean grinned. "Nah." He said, setting a bowl of soup and some bread in front of Sam, along with a soda as he sat across from him with a beer. "Not really my thing. Too much to do. Fun, on the other hand, that's my thing."

"Ah... No wife, but a girl in every port sort of thing. Sounds lonely." He said as he began to eat. "So ... Are we close?"

"We were until I slipped your mind." Dean said and looked down. "Sorry, that was uncalled for. We are, I mean. I don't know what I mean."

Sam nodded. "Sorry." He said. "I'm sure I didn't forget intentionally... And if I did... I'll let you kick my ass cause this is really frustrating... "

"Oh I will." Dean said. "I kick your ass quite regularly. Keeps you in line." He joked with a grin.

"The way I feel today I wouldn't doubt it." He said "I feel weak as a kitten. But I guess it's an improvement. "

"Physically at least." Dean said with a sigh. "Hey, I have an idea. Want to go for a drive? Feel up for a drive? Maybe jog your memory a bit?" He hoped at least Sam would feel he could trust Dean.

"Yeah, okay." He said, setting aside his bowl. "Where we going?"

"Figure we'd start at the beginning." Dean said. "Kansas. Cas, we're going to Kansas. And we're driving."

"Kansas." Cas said. "You are going to be the one to tell Bobby. He will be less than pleased."

"He can come with." Dean said. "It'll be fine. We just start at the beginning and hopefully something happens. This place isn't the beginning."

As if on cue the truck pulled into the long drive way, and Sam looked out the window. "Is that him?" He asked.

"That is." Dean said. "Hang tight." He said as he rushed out. "He's up. Walking. Talking. There's just one teeny tiny problem." Dean said to Bobby before he could even get out of the truck.

"If you tell me he's possessed I'm going to shoot you both." Bobby said letting Rumsfeld off the leash.

"No. Not possessed. More like amnesiac." Dean said. "He doesn't remember me, you, what happened....so, yeah, it's just a small problem. But he's up! He can wash himself."

"I can see where that last part would be a relief on your part. "He said "How bad is it? Is it just the personal stuff that's gone or has he forgotten more than that?"

"Just the personal stuff. And the apocalypse stuff. Things like that. He fed himself. He went to the bathroom, so the other stuff is intact." Dean said. "So I was thinking road trip. Start at Kansas, go from there."

"You sure that's a good idea this soon? Does he even have memories of Kansas?"

"I don't know where his first memory is." Dean said. "We were on the road so much. But my first memory is of Kansas. We start there, and go from there. It's the best I can come up with, rather than stopping at a random flea bag hotel and hope that we stayed there once. Besides, he's been back to Kansas since Mom died."

"Alright." He said after a moment's thought. "You gonna take Castiel with you? He's not exactly a bundle of joy to live with."

"Yeah, I'll take him with us." Dean said with a chuckle. "But none of us have been a bundle of joy to live with these last few months. I'm stir crazy, Bobby. While Sam was a carrot, I was afraid to so much as step outside without him."

"I get that." He said. "Be careful out there. We don't know what things are really like out there, and Sam can't have your back right now."

"I know. Though a case can be made for muscle memory. But that's why I'm taking Castiel. You see that guy in a fight?" Dean said. "We'll be okay. We'll touch base a lot. And we'll be back. The road passes right through here more than once."

"You are gonna check in every day." Bobby said. "And come back this way as often as possible. I'm tired of wondering if you two are alright."

"Every day." Dean agreed. He knew better than to argue. Either he called, or Bobby would. "I just have to get my brother back. Or everything we've done....it doesn't mean anything."

"I know. Come on, let's go inside and make introductions I guess." He said. Bobby just hoped there was something of Sam left for Dean to find. He hoped to see something familiar when he looked at him.

"Sam, this is Bobby Singer.' Dean said. Man this was awkward. "He was our father's best friend." Easy way to put it before easing into the hunting thing. Eventually.

"Ahm hi, nice to meet you... Or... Well... You know what I mean." Sam said awkwardly as he stood up and held out his hand to Bobby.

"I know, son." Bobby said, shaking Sam's hand. It was awkward. Painful even. "You kids have a good trip, and be sure to check in. I'll make you some coffee for the road."

"Thank you." Sam said. And gave a huffing sigh. "I don't even know how I like my coffee." He shook his head. "Do I have anything I need to pack?" He wanted to feel useful. At least able to take care of himself.

"Actually, you prefer those frou frou drinks, but I don't make them around here." Bobby said with a laugh. "Two sugars and some milk."

"Go around the corner, past the bathroom. Your clothes are in the dresser closest to the window. Bags in the closet." Dean said.

"Thanks." Sam said as he left the room. Everything was where Dean had said it would be. There wasn't much of it either. Just a few changes of clothes which he set out on the bed, before going to the closet to get the bag. "Weird. That's heavy." He set it down on the bed beside the clothes and opened it. Slowly he took out the gun he found within, as well as two knives.

"Dammit." Dean said. "The weapons." He said as he left the kitchen and leaned against the door way in the bedroom. "Can I get away with saying you just have to trust me and it'll all be clear?" Dean asked Sam. "Or do you want to dig deeper in that bag and find the crossbow?"

Sam set the weapons aside, and sat down on the edge of his bed. "Who are we?" He asked. "I mean who carries around this kind of weaponry?"

"People who know how to use it." Dean said as he repacked the weapons in the bag and then packed their clothes. "It's a long story. So I figured we'd start at the beginning. Which is Kansas. Otherwise, you're going to think we're crazy. I wish we were. But we're not. No, we're not anti government terrorists. We don't belong to hate groups, we're not overthrowing anything. We're under the radar, and we like to stay off their radar. I've actually never voted."

"Wow... Never voted?" He said pretending that was the most troublesome thing he had said. "So we know how to use all this stuff... And therefore we carry it around... And since you say we are under the radar I am betting we don't have permits either."

"Nah, those are for pansies." Dean said with a laugh. "We do some dangerous things. But we've got each other's backs, so we make it out.'

"And those dangerous things are why I was Mr. Potato head for 4 months."

"Yeah, basically." Dean said. "Because you decided to go behind my back and save me from being Mr. Potato Head."

"You make it sound like there was an actual choice involved." Sam said, finding it an odd way to put it. "So what caused it?"

"Not yet, Sam." Dean said. "You're not ready for it. Come on, grab a bag. I'll even take the heavy ones."

"Right." He said with a sigh and grabbed one of the bags. And instinctively reached for his lap top bag as well.

"Look on the bright side. You knew that bag was yours." Dean said with hope.

Sam smiled then. "Yeah... I guess I did, didn't I? Maybe things are coming back."

"Come on; let me show you the car. We spend a lot of time in the car." Dean said.

"Driving around, doing dangerous things, and knowing what to do with weapons." Sam said. "Sounds like something from prime time television."

"I wish. At least they get paid." Dean said. "Cas, we're going."

Castiel stepped outside. "Do you wish me to travel with you or meet you there?"

"I don't know." Dean said. "Do you know where we're going? It'll take a few days to get there. Sam can't drive yet."

"Call me from the hotel. I'll join you there." He said. The brothers needed time alone to get to know each other again. Castiel didn't know if Sam would ever get his memories back. What was worse, he thought that perhaps Sam had gotten the better of the deal.

"Okay." Dean said. "So this is the car. It was Dad's, he bought it before he married Mom. I got it when I was 16. Longest relationship I've ever had is with this car." Dean said.

"Your longest relationship has been with your car? No wonder you're single." Sam said with a smile. "It's a good looking car."

Dean laughed at that. "You've said that before. And you'll say it again." He said with a grin. "Okay, ready for the road trip down memory lane?" It would be good for the both of them to see the happy places.

"Sure, I guess." It was sitting, not like he was driving. It didn't matter that he was exhausted still, as though walking through water and fog, because he could sleep in the car. He had a feeling he had done that many times. In much worse condition than he was in now.

"It's a bit of a drive to Kansas. So you can sleep, I'll keep the music low, promise. Unless Metallica comes on. Then all bets are off, sorry dude." Dean said as he got into the car and started it up

"Sounds good." He said. "So Kansas huh... What's in Kansas?" He asked.

"We were both born there." Dean said. "Our parents were born there. It's a nice little town. We still know a lady there. She's going to whack me with a spoon, I just know it. Haven't talked to her in a while." Dean said with an anticipatory wince.

"Whack you with a spoon?" Sam asked with a laugh. "Is she like an aunt or something?" He had a hard time imagining any one, other than maybe Bobby whacking Dean with anything smaller than a chair and getting away with it.

"You'll see." Dean said. The drive to Kansas was quiet. Sam spent a lot of time sleeping; Dean spent a lot of time thinking. He parked the car near a playground. "Okay, this is Lawrence, Kansas." Dean said. "We passed the hospital we were born at, but that's not important. It's just a hospital." He said, getting out and starting to walk. He wasn't fond of Kansas, a lot of memories. But not all of them were bad. "That was our house." He said. "Rebuilt, doesn't look exactly the same. Mom died in a house fire when you were six months old." He said.

"So we were raised by our dad." He said looking at the house. He didn't remember the place, but truth be told he wouldn't have remembered his time there anyway, at least not as a child. There were flashes, A woman in flames walking toward him. "I'm not schizophrenic am I?"

"No." Dean said. "Why? Did you get a flash of something? We came back here as adults."

"This woman walking toward me, all in flames, but then the flames went out and she was this beautiful woman..."

Dean passed Sam a picture of Mary and John. "She look like that?" He asked. "That's our mother. We, ah, we're hunters Sam. Everything you think lives under your bed or in your closet when you turn the lights off, they're real. And we hunt them. Our mom helped, her spirit anyway."

"Yeah... That's her... That's our Dad I guess. " He stared at the picture a long while. "Is that what killed her?" He asked. Something about what Dean said made sense. It should have scared him. He should have worried about the fact that it was so easy to accept. But he didn't.

"No." Dean said simply. "So my first memory of you was Dad driving the Impala up that driveway and helping Mom out of the car. You were tiny. With a huge head." He said with a laugh.

"Your first memory is of me?" He asked, a little in awe of that. "I'm sorry I don't remember more. I wish I did."

"You wouldn't remember that day anyway." Dean pointed out. "Besides, you were sleeping. I mean, I have little memories before that, but I was four when you were born. I was still a kid."

"I meant in general." He said. "So... What was our dad like?" He asked.

"Tough. Uncompromising." Dean said. "He was a Marine, served in Vietnam. Came home and was a mechanic. He liked to fix things in different ways. Maybe he wasn't around as much as he should have been when we were growing up, but he loved us." He said as they started to walk.

"That's the important thing." Sam said. "If we knew he loved us, right?" He frowned. "How old am I?" He asked. "Cass told me you were 4 years older than me. Almost to the minute how much older, but that doesn't tell me how old we are."

"You're twenty six, dude." Dean said. "I'll be thirty one in January. Wow, never thought I'd make it to that age." He said with a chuckle.

"Life is that dangerous for us then." Sam said. "That explains all the scars then."

"Chicks dig the scars. I've gotten laid on more than one occasion just because I have interesting scars." Dean said with a grin.

"You sound like you don't have much trouble with women. " Sam said, and laughed a little "Do you have trouble with side effects from the lack of trouble with women?"

Dean laughed. "Condoms, dude. Never leave home without them." He said with a grin. He walked Sam up a porch. "Okay. This is the lady that's going to smack me with a spoon." He said as he rang the bell.


End file.
